Last week, I bumped into my dear friend and colleague, Sara, while we were both at the preschool where our kids go.
“Did you get a new car?” I asked, noticing something different about her.
“No, I was in an accident,” she replied.
“Oh no! Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I don’t want to be a downer,” she said.
“But really… you were in a full-on accident and kept quiet about it?”
“I’m just having a rough week. I yelled at the kids yesterday for no reason, and did it again this morning. I’m just feeling overwhelmed…”
As she spoke, I could see the familiar unraveling of emotions—a feeling I often wrestle with myself. But bless her heart, she held back the tears.
Sara had taken a mental health day from work, admitting that everything was piling up. Between losing her cool with the kids and feeling frustrated with her partner, she was mentally drained and just wanted to binge-watch Netflix. Listening to her, I felt the same struggle I’ve witnessed among my friends and even within myself. So, I stepped in.
“It’s just a bad week, that’s all,” I said, moving closer. “That doesn’t define you as a mom, a wife, or a person. We all have those days when we feel like we’re losing it. Just last week, I was in the same boat, and I assure you, it will pass.”
In other words: “I see you. I understand what you’re going through. You are loved, and so is your family.”
Motherhood: A Tough Gig
Let’s be real: being a mom is a tough gig. For those who think they can easily navigate this path, think again. It’s a demanding role where simply getting through the day is often considered a victory.
As mothers, we experience two types of days: the ones where we have enough milk for cereal, and the ones where we discover it’s been expired for two weeks. There are days we catch the bus and days we end up chasing it. Days when we find the shoes and days when we can’t locate them at all. It’s relentless, and it’s not for the faint of heart.
I can gauge the kind of day I’ll have within minutes of waking up. It feels like the calm before a storm, but we don’t let it show. We plaster on smiles and push down our frustrations because we fear that admitting our struggles makes us less capable. But that’s nonsense.
I often joke, “God made kids cute so you don’t send them back.” In my case, he made my daughters funny too, knowing my patience can run thin.
Breaking the Code
One particularly chaotic morning, I broke the unspoken code among mothers. When a coworker asked how my day was going, I replied, “Oh, I’m fine, except I feel like going on strike against my whole family.” Her eyes lit up with recognition.
“Once, when my kids were small, I told my husband my sister needed me and checked into a hotel for the weekend. I just watched TV, did a little shopping, and ate,” she shared. We both laughed, and I realized how often I should’ve opened the floor for other moms to share their battles.
That day in the parking lot, I could see Sara’s internal struggle. One part of her wanted to be vulnerable and express her feelings, while the other fought to maintain a facade of perfection. I’m all too familiar with that internal conflict—deciding what to share and worrying about how it will affect others’ perceptions of my life.
The Need for Support
As women, we are incredibly efficient. We juggle getting everyone dressed, fed, and out the door while signing permission slips and discussing every detail of our kids’ lives with caregivers. Yet, sometimes, being that person can feel exhausting.
In holistic nursing, there’s a concept called Code Violet, which is a signal for caregivers in emotional distress. What if we had a similar code for moms? Perhaps a Code Yellow or even Code Brown (indicating we’re in deep trouble)? This would enable us to extend support to one another when we’re struggling.
If you’re one of the lucky ones with a picture-perfect family, that’s fantastic. But for the rest of us, it’s easy to feel isolated in our struggles. We often think we’re alone in finding our kids a handful or wanting a break after a long week rather than sitting in carpool. We hide our quirks and preferences while comparing ourselves to seemingly perfect neighbors.
A Code Brown could change everything. Imagine if I saw you staring at wine bottles, tearful, and noticed that wristband. I might offer to take your kids for an hour, no questions asked. And you might do the same for me when I’m wrestling a tantruming child. It would be an exchange of emotional support rooted in understanding.
Join the Conversation
So, who’s with me? Let’s drop the stigma surrounding our challenges and instead choose to lend a helping hand. I’m more than willing to have your kids over for a playdate, no strings attached. I’m here to listen to your stories of parenting frustrations because no one understands a mother’s struggles better than another mother. If you can voice your challenges, you can begin to release them.
For more on parenting and support, check out this post or for baby feeding advice visit this resource. If you’re looking for more information on pregnancy, this site is an excellent resource.
Summary
The article discusses the emotional struggles that mothers face and the importance of supporting one another. It highlights the challenges of motherhood, the internal conflicts many women experience, and the need for a supportive community. Encouraging open discussions about parenting struggles can foster a sense of solidarity among mothers.