As I approach the milestone of 50, I find myself reflecting on my life, which could be viewed as halfway through, or perhaps just beginning, depending on one’s perspective. This contemplation is a common thread in the blogging realm, where writers capture specific moments in time, such as “This is Childhood” or “This is 39,” allowing us to pause and appreciate the essence of these stages.
Turning 48 carries unique significance for me, encapsulating various emotions and experiences:
NOSTALGIA
I reminisce about the days when I could easily lift my son, now a young adult, into my arms, assuring him that everything would be alright. I think back to when all four of my children were under one roof, and to my own childhood—before marriage and motherhood, when neighborhood kids played kick the can until dusk. It was a time devoid of technology, where life revolved around vinyl records, and classic TV shows like Charlie’s Angels and Starsky and Hutch.
COVER-UP
I observe the women around me engaging in endless beauty rituals—tightening, plumping, nipping, and tucking. I find myself questioning whether I should follow suit, spending too much on “age-defying” products that target my demographic. Despite my efforts to maintain my youth through diet, exercise, and fashion choices, I realize that time is relentless and youth slips further away.
SEARCHING
This age brings a quest for meaning—both in my life and in understanding my roots. I have delved into spirituality and Judaism, taking courses with an Orthodox rabbi, and joining a Reform synagogue. I navigate my identity as a woman, a mother, a friend, and a writer, all while seeking my place in this vast universe.
DISORIENTATION
With children at various life stages—college, high school, junior high, and elementary—it can feel overwhelming. I find myself juggling playdates for one daughter while discussing sorority parties with another. Recently celebrating one son’s Bar Mitzvah while preparing for my other son’s high school graduation adds to this chaos. The reality that my eldest daughter will graduate from college shortly after my youngest’s Bat Mitzvah is baffling, and the thought of potentially becoming a grandmother at my youngest child’s high school graduation is surreal.
UNCERTAINTY
I grapple with doubts about my decision to leave my career for motherhood. Should I return to work? Who would hire me now? Each day brings decisions—both large and small—about my children’s futures and my own. The unpredictability of life looms large, as does the fear of aging, death, and the unknown.
PERIMENOPAUSE
The hormonal shifts are intense—emotional upheavals, forgetfulness, and fatigue without clear reasons. I oscillate between seeking pharmaceutical help and opting for healthier coping mechanisms like yoga and writing.
WORK
My professional pursuits—writing and teaching yoga—don’t yield much financial gain but provide a sense of purpose. Meanwhile, my husband works tirelessly to support our family, ensuring that we have the essentials and a semblance of fun, though it’s not always perfect.
LETTING GO
I confront the expectations I have for myself—dreams of being an accomplished author or a successful public relations expert. I strive to accept my reality and my children’s growing independence, realizing that I cannot control their paths—or my own.
TRANSITION
I exist in a liminal space—not quite old, nor young; shifting from a young parent to an older one. Caring for aging parents while navigating my own aging process has taught me patience and compassion.
GRATITUDE
I cherish the blessings in my life—my loving husband of 23 years, my extraordinary children, and the supportive community around me. After years of challenges, I can now share my experiences with newer mothers, offering guidance and understanding.
ACCEPTANCE
I embrace my imperfections, recognizing my struggles with organization and time management while acknowledging my capacity for love and care. Acceptance brings with it the understanding that life can be both beautiful and tough.
FREEDOM
I feel liberated to focus on relationships and endeavors that ground me. I can exit draining situations and prioritize self-care, using my voice to express my truth.
THE MOMENT
I strive to be present in the here and now, appreciating the richness of each moment. Through meditation and yoga, I cultivate mindfulness, allowing me to truly witness my children as they grow and develop.
LOVE
Most importantly, I hold deep love for my family and friends, who enrich my life in countless ways. Each day is a precious gift, reminding me of the joy and complexity of existence.
This is my 48—a tapestry woven with experiences, lessons, and love.
For more insights into life and parenting, check out our other blog posts, including a guide to home insemination kits at Make a Mom. Explore topics related to infant development at Intracervical Insemination and find helpful resources on pregnancy and home insemination at ASRM.
In summary, turning 48 is a multifaceted journey filled with nostalgia, uncertainty, and love. Each moment holds significance as I navigate this transition in life.