Before becoming a parent, I held romanticized ideas about motherhood. During my journey through fertility treatments and acupuncture, I envisioned tranquil mornings filled with cuddles before dawn. I imagined peaceful Saturday mornings watching cartoons, followed by soccer matches and splashing around in the pool. I fantasized about school performances, back-to-school shopping, and having a little buddy to join me for movies.
Then reality hit—I welcomed not one, but two little miracles into my life. Initially, they were delightful companions, but everything changed when the youngest turned two, and sibling rivalry kicked in. The days became less about bonding and more about refereeing, as I navigated through hair pulling, toy stealing, and wrestling matches, where finding three minutes of calm playtime felt impossible. Although they share a bond, my role as “just a mom” has shifted dramatically, and I now frequently find myself uttering phrases I never imagined I would.
For example:
- “Please don’t lick your sister!” – Yes, licking is now a thing. It’s absolutely disgusting. Every time I see one of them stretch their tongue toward the other, I feel a wave of nausea wash over me—like witnessing a slow-motion scene from a movie.
- “Stop eating the sunscreen!” – Who thought a foam that resembles whipped cream would be such a temptation? Note to self: switch to spray sunscreen.
- “Let go of my shirt!” – Our two-year-old, who stopped nursing over a year ago, still has a fascination with my clothing. In new settings, she clings to me and often manages to pull my shirt down, exposing my bra—sometimes even my entire breast. High-neck shirts have become my go-to wardrobe choice.
- “Please don’t put boogers on your nightstand!” – It’s not just a few; it’s an entire collection taking over one side of her nightstand. At least she’s not eating them, right?
- “Poop is not an acceptable food group.” – This summer, potty talk has become the norm. What do you want for lunch? “Poop!” What kind of muffins should we bake? “Poopy muffins!” What about a birthday cake for dad? “Poop.” Cue the laughter.
- “No, I will not cook your butt and eat it.” – When I tell them that “poop” isn’t allowed at the dinner table, they suggest cooking and eating their butts. Is there something inherently funny about that? I can’t wrap my head around it.
- “Who put the remote control in the toilet?” – Does your toddler do this? Mine loves the real remote more than anything else. She’s hidden it in the toy box, in hat boxes, and the other day, in the toilet!
- “You cannot dance naked at the dinner table. Please return to your seat.” – I never thought I’d have to worry about nudity at the dinner table. Yet here we are, in a phase of shedding clothes and shaking booties. At least she asked for permission first. This has to be a phase, right? I hope so.
- “You can poop in your pants if you want… just please go!” – Our toddler refuses to go #2, holding it for days. Is this a common issue for others?
- “Your body is not a toy!” – I never expected to say this, but here we are, during bath time where curiosity meets exploration.
Ah, the sweet chaos of parenthood.
For anyone navigating similar challenges, consider checking out resources on understanding cramps after your period, which can provide further insight into bodily changes. Also, if you’re interested in at-home insemination, our blog post on the artificial insemination kit is a fantastic read. For more information on fertility treatments, the Wikipedia page on in vitro fertilisation is an excellent resource.
Summary
Parenthood comes with unexpected surprises and challenges, leading parents to say things they never thought possible. From humorous potty talk to unexpected bodily explorations, these experiences shape the chaotic yet rewarding journey of raising children.