Parenting Insights
By Emma Thompson for Home Insemination Kit
Updated: Jan. 17, 2018
Originally Published: July 27, 2015
We have the joy of raising two daughters on the autism spectrum, each facing unique challenges with social interactions.
Before Mia received her diagnosis, many people described her as “just shy” or “very serious.” She often found large gatherings overwhelming, was frightened by loud noises, and took her time to warm up to new acquaintances. Recognized as an introvert, Mia rarely shows affection, but when she does, it’s truly heartwarming.
I vividly recall when Mia was only four years old, two years prior to her diagnosis. She came home from kindergarten puzzled as to why a classmate wanted to hold her hand during a song. When I asked her why she declined, she simply said, “I don’t know her well, so I don’t want her touching me.” Fair enough, I thought.
On the flip side, her sister, Lily, is a different story altogether. Before her diagnosis, I was told she couldn’t possibly be autistic because she was “too social.” Lily thrives on interaction, often approaching strangers at the library to ask them to read her stories. She is incredibly affectionate and enjoys cuddling, making friends effortlessly. Her warm demeanor is cherished by many.
So how can two sisters exhibit such contrasting personalities while both being autistic? The answer lies in the fact that introversion and extroversion have no bearing on autism.
Think of it like being right- or left-handed. Mia struggles with establishing friendships due to complexities in social dynamics, while Lily grapples with understanding appropriate social behavior and respecting personal boundaries. For Mia, the intricacies of friendships can feel overwhelming, filled with unspoken rules that she finds difficult to navigate. Conversely, Lily doesn’t yet grasp that approaching a stranger and sitting in their lap isn’t appropriate, even if she thinks they seem friendly.
Neurotypical individuals often perform daily social tasks instinctively, such as comforting someone who is sad or learning how to connect with a new friend. However, for some on the spectrum, these interactions require significant thought and effort, which can be daunting.
Teaching social norms can be a challenging endeavor that demands patience. For Mia, using “comic strip conversations” helps break down social scenarios, allowing her to understand others’ feelings better. Additionally, I’ve found certain books to be beneficial, providing her with simplified tools she can use in various situations.
With Lily, we focus on recognizing emotions and understanding how our words affect others. Shows like Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood are excellent resources as they present social stories that cover everything from sharing to handling sadness. The Daniel Tiger app further explores feelings and emotional intelligence.
We also found that using hula hoops can visually illustrate personal space during outdoor meals, helping Lily comprehend the concept better.
Ultimately, being “shy” or “outgoing” does not define autism. Individuals on the spectrum can embody both traits. If only society recognized how misguided these stereotypes about autism are.
To my daughters, I see you for who you are, and I think you are remarkable.
Summary
Parenting two daughters on the autism spectrum reveals the diverse social challenges they face. Mia, the introverted sister, struggles with forming friendships, while Lily, the extroverted one, navigates understanding social boundaries. Autism encompasses a range of behaviors, and personality traits like shyness or sociability do not dictate one’s place on the spectrum. By using various tools and resources, we can help our children learn about emotions and social interactions.