It’s Wednesday evening, and I’m preparing to head out for dinner with a friend. No babysitter has been called, and I’m not dealing with toys scattered across the floor. In fact, getting ready to go out is a breeze when you’re not also trying to calm down a 4-year-old who’s upset over the color of her plate.
My friend asks me, “Don’t you feel guilty for enjoying this time away from her?”
Um, no, I absolutely do not.
This is my reality now. I can easily get ready, come home at my leisure, and even plan a spontaneous trip to L.A. on short notice. This is the life of a weekend mom, or at least it is for me.
Before I became one, I had never encountered the term “weekend mom.” It refers to mothers who share custody rather than having full custody. After my daughter’s father and I decided that she would live with him and visit me, I faced backlash from all sides.
“But you were such a great mom. What happened?”
“It’s sad that you can’t manage your child.”
“Oh, did drugs get involved?”
“Not everyone is cut out to be a mother.”
And the one that stings the most: “I wish I could be that selfish. I love my kids too much to do that.”
To those who think such comments are appropriate, I want to say, “How dare you?” But I’ll also add, “I forgive you,” because it’s not entirely their fault. We live in a society that imposes unrealistic expectations on mothers.
The truth is, allowing my daughter to live with her father was one of the toughest yet most beneficial choices I have made for her.
My ex-husband and I made this decision for many reasons. We wanted her to attend a better school, participate in more sports, grow up alongside her sister, and experience life with two active parents in her life. On a personal level, I wanted to transition away from a corporate job to work for myself, which I am now able to do, providing me with the flexibility to focus on my own well-being.
Selfish! Bad mom! Those are the thoughts I imagine running through people’s minds when they criticize my parenting choices.
The most damaging stigma surrounding weekend moms is the belief that we are less caring, less present, or less loving. In reality, I am a better mom because I don’t see my daughter every single day. This arrangement allows me to invest more quality time into our visits compared to when I was her primary caregiver.
Making such a choice is incredibly challenging, and I didn’t take it lightly. However, I refuse to wallow in guilt or shame. Sure, there are moments when I miss her deeply, and I don’t socialize with my mom friends as often as before. But amidst the sadness, there’s immense joy in knowing how happy she is and relishing the freedom I now have to breathe – something I couldn’t afford for the four years (plus pregnancy) when she was with me full-time.
The social stigma associated with being a weekend mom serves no real purpose. It only reinforces the stereotype that mothers who don’t parent full-time are inadequate, while dads are only seen as primary caregivers if the mother has failed in some way.
The best way to combat this judgment is to confront it directly. I do not feel guilty for enjoying my moments without my daughter. I miss her every day, worry about her constantly, and love her deeply. I’m a good mother, just as you are, and I know you love your child. You might think you could never make the choices I did, but until you’re in that situation, you never truly know.
So to those who judge me, I say, “You may not understand, but I forgive you.”
For more insights into motherhood and parenting choices, check out our other posts, including how to navigate the complexities of home insemination with our guide on home insemination kits.
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Summary:
The article discusses the complexities and societal judgments faced by weekend moms. Author Jenna Hartwell reflects on her choice to allow her daughter to live with her father, emphasizing the benefits of this arrangement for both her daughter and herself. Despite facing criticism and stigma, she asserts that being a weekend mom does not diminish her love or capability as a mother. The piece encourages understanding and challenges stereotypes surrounding parenting roles.