As I navigate the path of parenting with my now older kids, I often find myself in awe of how they are transforming into young adults. My friends and I marvel at their long legs and deepening insights as we recall the days when they were just chubby little bundles of joy. “They’re becoming real,” we whisper, reminiscing about the cooing infants who once fit snugly under our chins.
This year stands out as a significant milestone for both me and my eldest, who is now twelve. It’s a year that marks emotional and physical change for us both. Sharing a laugh or a comfortable silence with him during our drives to volleyball practice reminds me that I too am evolving.
The Skin Horse in The Velveteen Rabbit had lived longer in the nursery than any other toy, his brown coat worn and patched. Like the Skin Horse, my parenting journey has left its mark. I’ve watched my body change through four pregnancies—my hair thinning and graying and my belly adorned with stretch marks. My knees creak with age, yet I feel an inner strength that only comes from the love I’ve given and received.
“Real isn’t how you are made,” the Skin Horse explains. “It’s a thing that happens to you.” I try to remind myself that my visible seams are a testament to the love I’ve experienced. I’ve cradled feverish children and felt the joy of being greeted by a running, beaming child at preschool. I’ve shared bedtime stories and witnessed the pride of my little boy in his baseball uniform, hoping he doesn’t strike out. These moments have filled my heart and fueled me during the exhausting days of motherhood.
“Does it hurt?” asks the Rabbit. “Sometimes,” replies the Skin Horse. The truth is, it does hurt—there are slammed doors and harsh words. My deepest pain has come from witnessing my children face challenges I can’t solve. These heartaches leave me feeling shattered, yet they also bring a kind of magic that is transformative.
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” the Skin Horse says. Becoming real is a gradual process, one that requires resilience and love. By the time you truly become real, you might be a bit shabby and worn. My friends and I are warriors in this journey, growing older alongside our kids, learning about love, loss, and our own identities. We’ve faced difficult pregnancies, traumatic births, and personal battles. We’re gaining wrinkles and losing some of our youthful vigor, yet we find strength in each other.
Despite the challenges, once you are real, you cannot be truly ugly—only misunderstood. We see each other in various settings—at the pediatrician’s office, in school classrooms, or at little league games—and we understand the depth of our experiences. It’s all part of the journey of Becoming Real.
We only need to look into the eyes of our own parents to recognize the years of love and life that have shaped us.
If you’re exploring paths to parenthood, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy as well as how to use an at-home insemination kit, which offers support for those seeking to conceive. For more about a couple who welcomed a baby with a surrogate using an insemination kit, read this inspiring story here.
In summary, parenting is an evolving journey filled with love, laughter, and heartache. It’s about becoming real through the experiences we share with our children and each other.