Parenting Insights on the Only Child Experience
By Jessica Hartman
Being an only child is a fascinating experience, and I’d argue that it’s quite remarkable. While I can only speak from my own experience, raising my daughter as an only child has sparked a myriad of reflections and dialogues about the joys and challenges that come with it.
As a child, I often faced those pitying glances and comments from peers and adults about my solo sibling status. Many adults would hastily assume I was a “spoiled brat,” fearing my personality based on stereotypes surrounding only children. This notion that only children are inherently selfish or socially awkward has always puzzled me, especially since I know many individuals with siblings who exhibit those same traits.
Looking back, I had a privileged childhood. Growing up in a middle-class neighborhood, my parents worked tirelessly to provide me with a fulfilling life. With no younger cousins around, I was the center of attention in my family, which I embraced wholeheartedly. While I occasionally pretended to desire a sibling during elementary school, I ultimately enjoyed being an only child. I had a vibrant social life, learned to share, developed a strong sense of independence, and fostered a deep connection with my parents. Yes, I was a bit bossy and particular, but these traits are far from exclusive to only children.
Fast forward to now, and nearing 40, I sometimes find myself wishing for a sibling, particularly as I navigate the complexities of my parents aging, especially with my father’s recent health struggles. However, I recognize that sibling relationships are not always supportive, and having a sibling wouldn’t guarantee that I’d have someone to lean on. Instead, I’ve formed deep, unbreakable bonds with friends and cousins that, while not a replacement for a sibling, provide a solid support system.
As for raising my only child, I can’t imagine it any other way. From the moment my daughter was born, I knew I wouldn’t have another child. The intensity of motherhood was all-consuming for me, and I embraced the challenges and joys that came with it. Like every parent, my goal is to raise her to be a good person, and I am confident that I can achieve this without adding another child to the mix.
She is encouraged to socialize, learn the value of hard work, and is rewarded for positive behavior—just like children with siblings. However, the judgment I face from others regarding my decision to raise her as an only child can be disheartening. Comments like “You must have another child for her sake” or “She’s going to be spoiled” not only offend me as a parent but also dismiss my own experiences as an only child.
Is she spoiled? Perhaps. But I believe that’s not a result of being an only child. She has a wonderful life because I work hard to provide for her, and with or without siblings, she is receiving the same lessons in morals and values that I learned growing up.
Ultimately, the way we raise our children—regardless of sibling status—will shape who they become. I turned out well-adjusted, and I’m confident my daughter will too.
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In summary, being an only child has its benefits and challenges, but it ultimately comes down to the quality of parenting and relationships built, rather than the number of siblings.