When my partner and I embarked on our parenting journey, we had just moved to a new state, far from friends and family. The challenge was significant, but it only intensified as our family grew. Managing pregnancy with multiple children was exhausting, and there were moments when I wished for just an hour of peace—someone to take my kids to the park while I could simply recharge. There were weeks when I felt like I was barely keeping my head above water, certain that I would eventually succumb to the overwhelming tide. Yet, I never did. Over time, I’ve learned to navigate our circumstances, as this has become my norm.
Parenting without a support network is ultimately a matter of perspective. It’s akin to viewing a glass of water: is it half-full, half-empty, or lying shattered on the floor? The experience can embody all three states—optimistic, pessimistic, and a blend of the stark realities faced by a parent of small children.
The Glass is Half-Full Most of the Time
One upside is the absence of interference. For those who deal with an overbearing family, this can be a breath of fresh air. We get to shape our children’s upbringing without unsolicited advice from relatives. Even if visits bring some commentary, we know it’s temporary.
My partner and I have learned to lean on each other. The silver lining of not having family nearby is that we’ve been compelled to truly depend on one another. This reliance fosters communication and teamwork, even when it’s not convenient. We sometimes switch up our roles to support each other better.
There are no obligations looming over us. There are weekends when we simply don’t feel like socializing, and that’s perfectly fine. No one will judge us for skipping a birthday party that’s a thousand miles away, and the chances of someone unexpectedly visiting from across the country are slim.
It’s just the two of us and our children—a tightly knit family unit creating our own traditions.
The Glass is Half-Empty, Because Sometimes It Is
Finding time for myself can be a daunting task. Without regular help, it often feels nearly impossible to carve out personal time. Planning a date night or even a solo visit to the library can take months. My moments of solace often come late at night, when I write from 9 p.m. to midnight. I take what I can get, even if it’s just a warm cup of coffee and a brief 15 minutes of quiet.
There’s a certain loneliness that accompanies this journey. While we cherish our little family, there are moments—particularly during holidays and special events—when the absence of a larger support system is starkly felt.
The Glass is on the Floor
We all have days when the weight of parenting feels unbearable, regardless of our support systems. There are times when all my kids fall ill simultaneously, and the overwhelming urge to escape becomes palpable. I even find myself packing a suitcase, only to have someone throw up inside it. During these chaotic moments, the desire for assistance becomes desperate.
Adjusting to the arrival of new babies can be especially challenging. Even the most well-meaning person can’t dictate your family’s routine or help you bond with your newborn. However, having someone close by to take over a feeding or allow you some much-needed rest would certainly make a difference.
Overwhelm can strike at any time, hitting parents in waves. It’s a draining feeling of helplessness that can leave you longing for even a casual coffee chat with a friend. The frustration of a babysitter canceling last-minute—especially when you’ve been looking forward to that long-awaited night out—can be crushing. Family might bail occasionally, but they’re less likely to cancel an anniversary plan without a good reason.
As I approach six years of parenting, I still find myself wishing I could call my mother-in-law for help or drive my kids over for a few hours of respite. But no matter how drained I feel, I also recognize the immense strength I possess, forged from navigating this parenting journey alone since the start. I’ve adapted because I had no choice; this has been my reality.
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Summary
Parenting without a support network can present both challenges and advantages. While the absence of family nearby can foster independence and strengthen partnerships, it can also lead to feelings of isolation and overwhelm. Ultimately, the journey is one of adaptation and resilience, with unique insights gained along the way.