Updated: April 29, 2021
Originally Published: June 15, 2016
When my friend Sarah became a mother for the first time, she was the first among my close circle to welcome a child. After the birth of her adorable son in June 2014, I paid her a visit at the hospital, brought her dinner once, and occasionally swung by after work to cuddle her baby and catch up. During our chats, I’d often unload about the stresses of my full-time job while she listened with a warm smile. Occasionally, she would share glimpses of the challenges that come with new motherhood, like the exhaustion she felt from nursing through sleepless nights.
I felt a twinge of guilt because I cherished her friendship, yet I couldn’t relate to her experience—not even a little. Our visits would end, and I’d buckle up in my car, unfastening only my own seatbelt before heading home or wherever I pleased, free from the responsibilities of parenthood. Once, Sarah mentioned her “mom friends” from a support group at the hospital, combining the words into one: “Mom-Friend.” A flicker of jealousy crossed my mind. What was so special about them? What did they possess that I did not?
Well, babies. They had babies. When I inquired about the instant connection she felt with these new friends, she reassured me it was nothing against her childless pals and simply stated, “Ain’t nothin’ like a Mom-Friend.”
Fast forward to July 2015, when my own precious daughter entered the world after a whirlwind, and admittedly regrettable, labor devoid of an epidural. The first week at home was a chaotic blur of sleepless nights and tears. I cried over everything—from struggling to breastfeed to feeling utterly overwhelmed. My first solo car ride with my baby was to the same hospital group Sarah had attended. The entire drive was filled with her relentless wailing, and I found myself crying too.
Arriving twenty minutes late, I sat on the classroom floor, anxiously hoping my daughter wouldn’t get hungry, which would force me to nurse in public. Naturally, she did. As I fumbled with my nursing cover—a cute one I had insisted on buying—and my nipple shield, I felt hot and sweaty, almost in tears from vulnerability. I braced myself for judgmental stares.
But they never came. Instead, I spotted another mom across the room doing the exact same thing—whipping out her own breast and getting her baby settled. In that moment, I realized these were my people. I was safe here.
As the weeks turned into months, the friendships I formed in that class became my lifeline. We gathered for coffee before each meeting, discussing everything—from our babies’ milestones to our own struggles with body image and sleep deprivation. We also shared the raw realities of postpartum life, from the fear of intimacy to the uncomfortable aftermath of childbirth. We texted and called at all hours, navigating the highs and lows of motherhood together.
As our babies grew, many of my Mom-Friends returned to work, resulting in less frequent meetups. Yet, with each new stage of motherhood, we found ourselves reaching out to one another again, often at midnight, seeking advice or comfort. We reminisced about birthday parties and pondered future family plans. Just a few weeks ago, we gathered sans kids, and I realized my “Mom-Friends” had evolved into true friends.
Together, we had faced the early, tender days of motherhood, dressed in our favorite black leggings that concealed our post-baby bellies and matched the dark circles beneath our eyes. We clutched our lattes while nursing, some of us leaking breast milk, others longing for the same experience. Now, we’ve settled into a new rhythm of life, a sweet yet challenging “normal” that we’ve collectively navigated, emerging stronger and more confident.
I cherish the hope that our friendships will endure for years to come, watching our children grow while reminiscing about the chaotic days of postpartum life. Even if life takes us in different directions, I will forever be grateful for those women who stood by me through the ups and downs of new motherhood. There truly is nothing like a Mom-Friend.
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Summary:
The journey into motherhood can be both isolating and exhilarating. This narrative highlights the profound connections formed between new mothers as they navigate the challenges of parenthood. Through shared experiences, these friendships become a source of strength and support, evolving from “Mom-Friends” into lifelong companions.