When I was in my twenties, the thought of growing older seemed like a distant fantasy. My forties and fifties felt light-years away—primarily because they were. If I had paused to consider what midlife might entail, I probably would have envisioned myself clad in stretchy polyester pants, pantyhose with reinforced toes, and wearing one of those emergency alert devices that call for help if I “fall and can’t get up.” And let’s not forget the plethora of sensible footwear.
Fortunately, I can still zip up most of my pants (they have zippers, at least), and I haven’t needed any emergency gadgets—yet. I do appreciate a good pair of support hose, however. So while my midlife experience is far from the horror show my 21-year-old self might have imagined, there are still a few amusing yet sobering truths about this stage of life that warrant discussion.
The Priority of Comfort in Underwear
Let’s not kid ourselves; while there’s still a place for sassy lingerie in life, comfort is now the reigning champion. Support comes in as a close second. Sure, I might still flaunt my wild side occasionally, but I’ve long passed the point of worrying about my husband’s thoughts on my practical undergarments. It is what it is.
The Unwelcome Appearance of Random Hairs
No matter what your natural hair color may be, expect the emergence of dark, wiry hairs in the most unexpected places. It’s a law of nature. These pesky little strands often make their debut on the chin, but they can pop up in other areas too. I’ve even found one sprouting on my neck, seemingly overnight. A male colleague once mistook it for string. The joke was on him, as it was quite attached. And yes, he was handsome—because the universe has a way of ensuring that if someone points out your unflattering features, they must be attractive enough to make you feel even more self-conscious.
The Constant Fear of Sneeze-Pee Mishaps
Let’s be real: a simple sneeze, cough, or hearty laugh can lead to unexpected bladder leaks. You’ll find yourself reminiscing about the times you chuckled at older women discreetly placing Poise pads in their shopping carts. You might even wonder if this is karmic retribution for past judgments. Spoiler alert: it likely is.
Classic Rock Becomes Your High School Soundtrack
It’s a tough pill to swallow when the songs you once played in the backseat have graduated to the “classic rock” category. I brace myself for the day when some cheeky teenager refers to anything by Pat Benatar as an oldie. That moment will sting, and a piece of my soul will fade.
While I may need roomier underwear and more time with my tweezers, life in midlife is no pity party. I typically have enough energy to chase after my kids, run a 5K, and sometimes even outpace my younger friends. Occasionally, I notice that some guys still glance my way; sure, they could be assessing whether I need assistance crossing the street, but let me keep my fantasies intact.
Many of my friends in their forties and fifties cite enhanced intimacy and increased wisdom as perks of this age. I believe it’s rooted in greater confidence and a newfound disregard for others’ opinions. One minute, you’re stopped at a red light, catching a glimpse of a rogue hair sprouting from your chin, while the classic rock station announces the next song. The next, you find yourself in a store, inexplicably clutching a pack of cotton briefs, exclaiming, “Ooh, these look cozy!” It happens to the best of us.
And truthfully? I have no regrets. Those sensible shoes are ridiculously comfortable.
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Summary
Midlife presents its own unique set of challenges and humorous realities, from the prioritization of comfort in clothing to unexpected changes in hair growth. Embracing these realities with confidence can transform what might seem like drawbacks into opportunities for self-acceptance and enjoyment of life’s journey.