All we desire is to welcome a son into our family. We are specifically looking to adopt a teenage boy aged 15 to 16. I have always had a passion for adopting older children from foster care, and my husband, a high school educator, shares my enthusiasm for this age group. We’re also aware that many teenagers face the harsh reality of aging out of the system without a loving family. As of September 2015, the Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System reported over 111,820 children in the United States waiting for adoption, with nearly 19% of them between the ages of 13 and 18.
We are seeking a teenage boy, regardless of race (we are committed to understanding and potentially embracing the challenges of parenting children from diverse backgrounds), who will not pose a threat to our three biological children or our dogs. One would think that the state would be eager to help us adopt, particularly given the high number of children in need of homes in our area. Unfortunately, that is not the case.
The process of completing our homestudy—essentially proof that our home is suitable for an adoptive child—has proven to be far more costly than we anticipated. This endeavor has only been made possible due to my side job, which supplements my role as a stay-at-home parent. While I understand the necessity for proof of suitability as a parent, especially considering the appalling abuse that many children experience while in foster care, I question how many of the policies we are required to follow truly contribute to the creation of loving families. Instead, they seem to entangle us in a web of bureaucracy.
Window Regulations
Take the issue of windows, for example. Naturally, a child’s bedroom must have windows. We live in a single-story home, but our state’s social services require that every bedroom—yes, even the child’s—has windows that open to at least 5 square feet of space due to fire safety regulations. The windows we currently have might open to about 4 square feet, which is sufficient for an adult. Since we don’t meet the state’s window criteria, we face two options: spend a fortune replacing the windows or invest in interconnected wireless smoke alarms, which are a bit less costly.
After a conversation with the state fire marshal, we learned that we need eight smoke alarms, costing around $30 each. After taxes, we ended up spending roughly $250 to ensure compliance. These alarms emit ear-piercing sirens at the slightest hint of smoke—such as when I’m merely cooking hot dogs.
Pet Vaccinations
Moreover, the state requires that windows must reach the floor, meaning they cannot be obstructed by furniture or other items. This led to additional costs, as we had to remodel our master bedroom to comply with this rule. Apparently, in the event of a fire, I cannot be trusted to navigate over a low bookshelf.
Next, there’s the issue of pet vaccinations. While we generally keep our dogs up-to-date, with three of them, it’s easy for some vaccines to lapse. However, our health department now insists on complete vaccination records for every pet in our home, meaning we must comply with every recommendation from our vet. A recent visit for vaccinations cost us about $450—definitely not just a rabies tag.
Physicals and Medication Storage
In addition to this, we required physicals for everyone. Unfortunately, social services misplaced my physical form, necessitating another visit. This involved three physicals for the kids and three for the adults, including a current TB test. I also had to schedule a special appointment with my psychiatrist to obtain a letter confirming my adherence to my medications, which is incredibly expensive. I would understand if they needed to assess my parenting abilities, but they merely wanted to know that I take my medications as prescribed.
Moreover, all medications must be securely locked away—this includes prescription drugs, over-the-counter medications, and even basic items like Advil. I take several prescription medications daily, and my husband has his own health needs. We ended up needing two large toolboxes to store everything, which was the more economical choice compared to buying proper lockboxes that can cost around $160 each.
Cleaning Supplies and Electrical Outlets
Social services also requires that all cleaning supplies and hazardous materials be locked away, despite the fact that our soon-to-be-adopted teenager is old enough to handle such items responsibly. They impose the same regulations for everyone, regardless of logic. To further complicate matters, we were also instructed to cover every electrical outlet in the house, even those behind furniture.
In summary, if we weren’t in a relatively stable financial position, we might have abandoned our dream of adoption long ago. This does not even factor in the fundamental expenses of preparing for another child, such as bedding, furniture, and the necessary adjustments to our existing children’s rooms. The time and energy spent on meetings with social workers, and even the gas required to visit the social services office, only adds to the burden.
It can be overwhelming—I’ve shed tears over lost paperwork and felt frustration when faced with unexpected costs. Yet, amidst all these obstacles, I hold onto hope. Somewhere out there, my son is waiting. I fear for his well-being, wondering if he feels unwanted or alone. I just want to bring him home. I am a mother who has yet to meet her child. The weight of these requirements and expenses only adds to the time he might feel abandoned.
If we had been less fortunate financially, we might have given up when faced with the requirement for interconnected smoke alarms. Tragically, that could mean our son would age out of the system, never finding a home. I am aware that many potential adoptive parents walk away when they learn of the stringent requirements, and countless loving homes remain closed due to the overwhelming bureaucracy. Children need families, and we must work toward simplifying this process.
For more information on adoption from foster care, visit Adopt US Kids. This is an excellent resource for understanding the intricacies involved in building families, and for more insights on this topic, check out Natural Treatments. Additionally, if you’re looking for comprehensive information on artificial insemination, this Wikipedia page serves as an excellent resource.
Summary
The financial burden of adopting a child from foster care can be overwhelming, with numerous requirements resulting in unexpected costs. From remodeling homes to meet safety standards to ensuring pets are fully vaccinated, the expenses can add up quickly. This experience illustrates the challenges faced by families wishing to adopt, emphasizing the need to simplify the process to facilitate loving homes for children in need.