For the past four years, I’ve been grappling with a single question: How will my daughter, Lila, ever repay me for those grueling forty-two hours of labor? Surprisingly, the answer appeared at a grocery store checkout line.
While eyeing a magazine cover featuring a glamorous celebrity, Lila blurted out, “Mom, she looks just like you!” In that moment, everything felt surreal; time slowed down, and her bright blue eyes sparkled with delight. “Really? You think so?” I replied, trying to be humble. Lila beamed back at me, and I felt like I was floating on air. Sure, she might have a unique way of seeing the world, but in that instant, we were even.
In reality, I don’t resemble that celebrity at all. The only things we share are our short hair and a penchant for brown eyes. And let’s be honest, I’m not exactly a mirror image of her. But kids have a knack for generalizing, and sometimes, it works in your favor—sometimes, not so much.
Take the other night, for instance. I approached the dinner table looking less than my best, and Lila, perhaps still upset over me denying her the chance to bring her toy purse to the table, proclaimed, “You look very handsome tonight, Mom.” My partner, Sam, quickly corrected her, saying in a singsong voice, “You mean ‘Mom is so pretty.’” “Nope, she’s handsome,” Lila insisted, clearly pleased with herself.
This isn’t the first time Lila has provided such unvarnished feedback. “Mom, your eyebrows could use some work,” and “Wow, you have a little fuzz on your chin!” have also come up in conversation. You’d think I would have escaped such comments after twenty years of living, but here we are. Just when I thought I’d reached a place of acceptance regarding my body, I find myself facing the raw, unfiltered honesty of my child.
Lila, blissfully unaware of any bodily imperfections, is a bright spark of beauty with her sunny blonde hair and flawless skin. Strangers in the grocery store often stop to comment on her, calling her an “angel.” Meanwhile, I’m left dragging this angel and my “less-than-perfect” self to the yogurt aisle, hoping to score some overpriced yogurt in a tube.
Despite the physical changes that come with age and having given birth to two children at once (yes, really!), I’ve begun to appreciate my body more than ever. Maybe it’s because I no longer feel the pressure to impress anyone. With Sam tied to me through the chaos of family life, I’ve stopped seeking validation based on appearance.
If only I could keep Lila’s honesty in check. Just last summer, she innocently asked if I “remembered fossils.” Kids have a remarkable ability to cut through the noise and see things as they truly are. They ask the hard-hitting questions that make us reflect, like when they wonder why anyone would harm another being simply for not being perfect.
I’ve reveled in the moments when I see my children absorbing the lessons of acceptance. I thought surely Lila understood this as she gazed at me with love this morning. But then she chimed in, “Mom, your breath smells like a litter box.” And just like that, my dreams of parental validation were dashed.
Clearly, I need to prepare an invoice for my labor and delivery services!
This article was originally published on March 17, 2012.
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In summary, the candid observations of children can be both amusing and brutally honest, often leading to self-reflection. While they may not hold back when it comes to commenting on our flaws, these moments remind us of the freedom and clarity that come with childhood innocence.