My grandmother generously sends money during the holiday season, not just for me but also for my husband, Derek, and our children. It’s an incredibly thoughtful gesture. My share usually goes toward festive activities—those extra outings that can really add up. Just to clarify, no one pressures me to spend this money on my family. However, when I’m feeling a little more financially comfortable, I tend to splurge on things like a movie once the matinee prices have passed.
This year, Derek made a decision of his own. He indulged in something he has long coveted—a purchase that perfectly encapsulates a certain sort of privilege. He bought noise-canceling headphones.
Typically, you see individuals wearing such headphones on airplanes to escape the surrounding noise and immerse themselves in their own world. They can be quite helpful in busy workplaces too, like a bustling newsroom filled with coworkers. But Derek didn’t buy them for travel or work. No, he decided to wear them around our home.
When I confronted him about this seemingly ridiculous choice, he struggled to keep a straight face. How could he explain spending a not-insignificant amount of money on a gadget meant to shut out his own family? It was like investing in an accessory designed to help you ignore the very people you love most.
Over the past decade of parenting, I’ve realized that my instincts as a mother operate on a completely different frequency than Derek’s as a father. I can sense when one of our children stirs in bed, on the verge of waking from a nightmare. My mind is always partially in “mom mode,” regardless of what else is happening. I’m perfectly fine with this because it’s how we’ve survived as a species.
If you want to send a passive-aggressive message to your family, wearing noise-canceling headphones while sitting in the same room is a pretty powerful statement—even without saying a word.
Life can be chaotic, especially with kids around. We all crave moments of silence; I understand that. But there are healthier ways to cope with stress than pretending it doesn’t exist. Imagine if something happened to the kids while you were blissfully blocking them out. I would be furious.
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In summary, while noise-canceling headphones might provide a temporary escape, they also highlight the importance of being present for our families. Effective parenting requires engagement, not avoidance.