Let’s be honest: parenting can be downright terrifying. The toll it takes often manifests in anxiety, sleepless nights, headaches, stomach issues, and yes, even adult acne. We find ourselves worrying about our children’s futures, fretting that a poor report card could lead to a life of unemployment. We bite our nails to the quick when they miss curfew and don’t reply to our panicked texts. Concerns about their friends, relationships, and whereabouts constantly swirl in our minds.
Yet, some of these fears are more subtle, difficult to articulate to friends who don’t have kids, and often lack the sensationalism to make it onto the news. Nevertheless, these “parenting phobias” are real and deserve recognition. Here are some of the most prevalent:
Daisy Duke Phobia
The anxiety that your teenage daughter will be sent home from school due to a supposed dress code violation, even when her shorts are longer than the regulation gym attire.
Free Range Phobia
The fear that letting your third grader walk two blocks alone to school will trigger frantic calls from neighbors and school officials, possibly resulting in a visit from social services.
Folder Phobia
The dread of opening your child’s backpack only to discover a mountain of school papers detailing forgotten tasks, disciplinary issues, and outstanding fees for various activities.
Nit Phobia
- The anxiety of receiving a phone call from the school nurse informing you that all your children have lice.
- The overwhelming dread of spending the following weeks vacuuming carpets and meticulously combing through your children’s hair. This fear peaks during the elementary school years.
Pajama Phobia
- The fear of sleepless nights at your child’s slumber parties.
- The horror of cleaning vomit from sleeping bags.
- The lingering dread of discovering remnants of popcorn and stale frosting months after the event.
Patch Phobia
The anxiety surrounding the necessity of selling Girl Scout cookies to your coworkers and neighbors just so your daughter can earn that coveted vest patch.
Pediatriphobia
The fear that taking your healthy, active son to his yearly pediatric check-up will expose him to every germ and illness lurking on the examination table, resulting in a sick visit shortly afterward.
Project Phobia
- The dread of science fair projects, dioramas, and insect collections.
- The fear that a sudden sneeze from your child will send glitter flying onto your clothing and food.
Technophobia
The worry that when your kids go off to summer camp, you won’t be able to figure out how to operate the television or navigate streaming services.
Textophobia
The anxiety of accidentally sending a personal text message meant for your partner to your teenage child, revealing your shopping habits at the adult store down the street.
Vehiculaphobia
- The fear of watching your child drive for the first time.
- The anxiety of seeing them attempt parallel parking.
- The terror that your gasps from the passenger seat will lead to an accident.
This article was originally published on March 18, 2015.
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In summary, parenting is filled with a unique set of fears that can sometimes feel overwhelming. From worries about your child’s social life to the anxiety of school-related issues, these fears are a normal part of the parenting journey. Acknowledging them can help in navigating the tumultuous waters of parenthood.