By: Jamie Roberts
Updated: May 18, 2020
Originally Published: November 29, 2016
As a parent, I’ve encountered the myriad arguments against pressuring children to complete homework and the studies indicating its limited value, especially in elementary education. I’ve seen the criticism aimed at those parents who take over their kids’ assignments, but I’ve never aligned with that mindset—after all, I myself struggle with elementary math!
However, I found myself hovering. The hours between three and six in the afternoon turned into a battleground where I would plead with my son to sit down and finish his homework. Dinner and dessert were put on hold until he would comply, and even television time was delayed. Although we always allowed him a break after school, there came a point when I insisted he focus on getting his work done.
While he eventually completed his homework—usually taking just about 15 minutes—the time spent nagging him was grossly disproportionate to the actual task. And yet, I didn’t even believe in the value of homework!
So, when my son began fourth grade, I adopted a radically different approach. I still asked if he had homework and offered assistance if he needed help, but I stepped back and let him take responsibility for his work. To my astonishment, the results were remarkable.
Initially, it was chaotic. He would remember his homework while lying in bed, prompting him to jump up and scramble to complete it, which disrupted bedtime. Alternatively, he’d wake up in the morning realizing he hadn’t done it and would blame me for not reminding him. “It’s not my job, dear,” I’d remind him, noting how much he disliked my constant nagging.
Fast forward a few months into the school year, and a transformation occurred. He began doing his homework independently, without me asking—most of the time. Sure, I still offered gentle reminders and he occasionally forgot, but overall he managed to keep up with his assignments.
Even more impressively, I noticed a newfound motivation for his schoolwork. He expressed a desire to excel in his homework and projects, and he even asked for help studying. Just this past weekend, he dedicated four hours to preparing for the school-wide spelling bee!
While my son has always had a competitive spirit and generally enjoys school, I can’t guarantee this method will work for every child. However, allowing him to take ownership of his homework is a vital step in fostering long-term academic discipline. We cannot accompany them through every academic milestone—or through life, for that matter.
There’s a significant life lesson here: constantly hovering over our children can be suffocating, and it ultimately leads to stagnation for both parties. I understand the instinct to intervene, especially when it comes to academics, as we want our children to succeed—after all, their accomplishments often reflect back on us too.
Yet, the best way for children to grow into self-sufficient individuals is to give them space. Let them make mistakes. Let them face failures. This approach teaches them that their motivation should stem from within, not to simply please others.
So, stop acting as the homework enforcer. Cease the nagging and hovering. It may feel daunting initially—believe me, your child will stumble—but in the long run, entrusting them with responsibility will alleviate stress for everyone involved and ultimately lead to greater success.
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In summary, when I stopped pressuring my son to do his homework, not only did he begin to take initiative, but he also became more engaged and motivated in his studies overall. Allowing him to manage his own responsibilities fostered independence, teaching both of us valuable lessons about growth and learning.