When you first enter the world of parenthood, advice comes flooding in from all directions. “Make sure she wears a hat!” “Feed her every two hours, no more, no less.” “Don’t take her outside; she’ll catch a cold!” “Adjust her head; she doesn’t look comfortable.” “Where’s her hat? She must wear a hat!” It can be quite overwhelming, often exhausting, and only sporadically beneficial.
By the time my second daughter was born, I felt well-prepared. I was armed with responses and rationale for every piece of parenting advice I had previously received. “Bring it on!” I thought as I ventured out with my newborn. Yet, this time, the usual suggestions didn’t come. Instead, people simply smiled, admired, and complimented my daughter. No one criticized how I was holding her, whether I was feeding her sufficiently, or if her outfit was appropriate. They allowed me the space to parent freely.
Having a second child transforms you from a recipient of advice to a purveyor of it. After more than a year in this role, I’ve grappled with how to share my experiences without evoking the same emotions that earlier advice-givers had stirred in me. I can share the strategies that worked well for me, the ones that didn’t, the moments of joy, and the challenges I faced.
As I rocked my 15-month-old daughter to sleep today, her eyelids gently fluttering closed, I recalled a quote I recently stumbled upon: “Whatever nourishes your soul… do that.” At that moment, there was nowhere in the world my baby wanted to be more than in my arms. If that isn’t soul-nourishing, I don’t know what is.
Ironically, “Don’t rock her to sleep! You’ll regret it!” was one of the many pieces of advice I received during the early days with my first child, Lily. Each time I rocked her to sleep, I found myself burdened with the worry of future regrets. I explored various methods to encourage her to sleep, trying to put her down “drowsy but awake” as recommended. Sometimes it worked, and sometimes it didn’t. But in the grand scheme, did it really matter?
Now, at 3½ years old, does Lily sneak into our bed at night for some cozy snuggles because I rocked her too much? Perhaps. Do I regret it? Absolutely not. When I rock my younger daughter, Sophie, I never glance around, concerned that someone might judge me for this “forbidden” act. Do I worry that she will join us for midnight snuggles at age 3? I genuinely hope she does.
I have two daughters in this world, and if they desire just one more moment of closeness with their mama, I embrace it. My soul is more than ready.
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Summary
This article reflects on the evolution of parenting from receiving advice to offering it, emphasizing the importance of personal experiences over strict adherence to rules. The author shares a poignant quote that highlights the significance of nurturing moments with children, advocating for embracing those moments without regret.