A few months before my daughter arrived, I left my job as a preschool educator to help my husband open a retail business. Unfortunately, we had to close it down after just a year and a half. As we planned our next steps, which involve a significant move, we decided to stay with my in-laws in their two-story home for the time being to save money while we sorted out the logistics. Here are four of the most challenging aspects I’ve faced during this time:
1. Grandparent Privileges Can Undermine Parenting Efforts
Grandparents are naturally enthusiastic about their grandchildren. The joy of being a grandparent often means they can indulge in the fun without having to enforce the rules. They’ve already navigated the tough parts of parenting, so now they relish in spoiling the little ones. However, this spoiling can disrupt the routines and boundaries I’ve worked hard to establish. For instance, my daughter used to understand when I said “no” to extra snacks, but now she follows her grandparents around, whining for food. Bedtime has also become a challenge, as Grandpa’s playful antics right before sleep give her a second wind, making her grumpy the next day. Funny how I’m the one who bears the brunt of that, right?
2. Feeling Critiqued for Parenting Choices
There’s a sense of defensiveness that arises when my in-laws question my parenting methods. Their comments often hark back to their own experiences, like how they let their kids do things that are now considered unsafe. While I appreciate their past efforts, I remind them that parenting practices evolve based on new research. Yet, when I mention this, it sometimes feels like I’m dismissing their expertise. Their pride can take a hit when I explain why I won’t allow my daughter to ride in the front seat, even if it’s “how they did it.”
3. Judgment Goes Both Ways
While grandparents may feel judged, I find myself defending my choices constantly. I’ve had to explain why I don’t want my daughter playing with empty pill bottles, and even after all that, I can sense their disapproval lingering in the air. It’s exhausting to have to justify every little decision, especially when I’m already second-guessing myself. The most frustrating part? Hearing about their opinions on my parenting choices from my husband after he’s spent time with them. It’s like I’m back in high school, and it can feel isolating.
4. Relentless Interrogation
Living with my in-laws has brought back a flood of questions reminiscent of my teenage years. My husband and I are in our 30s and have been independent adults for quite some time. Yet, every time we leave the house, we’re met with a barrage of questions: Where are you going? What did you buy? What time will the baby go to bed? It’s overwhelming, especially when they also inquire about every detail of our daughter’s routine, from her meals to her sleep schedule. While some of this is likely out of curiosity, it can feel suffocating when I’m already trying to manage their spoiling tendencies.
Despite these challenges, there is a silver lining. Living with my parents allows them to bond with my daughter, giving me a much-needed break. I may not be entirely comfortable with leaving her alone with them (did they just give her ice cream?), but it’s a relief to know I can step back while they engage her. Although I might not want to deal with a diaper change, there are moments of respite I can appreciate.
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In summary, while living with parents can be frustrating due to their spoiling tendencies, feelings of being judged, constant questioning, and the complexities of intergenerational parenting, it also provides opportunities for connection and relief.