- “Have you thought about a name for the baby?”
Oh, how could I forget? I’ve been busy for nine months nurturing this little one while my body worked its magic, but naming her totally slipped my mind. Clearly, I haven’t spent hours researching names, pondering their meanings or worrying about how they might rhyme with less-than-savory terms. I’m just here at the grocery store, hoping to find naming inspiration on the shelves – maybe I’ll settle on something like “Spaghetti O’s” if this keeps up. - “Sleep when the baby sleeps.”
So, my little one dozes off beautifully in the car. Any other brilliant suggestions? - “Don’t carry the baby everywhere; you’ll spoil them.”
Hello! This is my daughter, who’s more like a tiny sack of potatoes. How else am I supposed to move her around? - “Breast milk is liquid gold.”
Absolutely! Because nothing says “nutritious” quite like a molten metal metaphor. Of course, both my partner and I lack the Midas touch, so our kids will have to make do with formula, which, regrettably, is only “liquid gold” in terms of cost. - “Does the baby have a jacket? It might get chilly.”
Nope! This oversized diaper bag is only packed with my anxieties and some crumpled tissues. But yes, my jacket-less child is actually wearing a sweater and snuggled under a blanket. She’s swaddled so tightly in her carrier that we might need industrial tools to get her out. Thanks for your concern, random stranger! - “I let my baby decide when they’re hungry.”
Brilliant! So you basically didn’t feed them until they could ask for a snack at 18 months? Way to save on grocery bills! - “If she’s a girl, she needs a bow.”
Oh, may I shake your hand, esteemed gender expert? Thank you for pointing out my neutral attire choice and questioning my daughter’s gender. Because I, as a new parent, totally need that kind of confidence boost. - “That baby sounds hungry.”
Excuse me! How did you get acquainted with my daughter? Are you perhaps the baby whisperer? If you can decipher my dog’s early morning conversations with the neighbor’s pup, I’d love to hear your insights. - “When I was a kid, my parents would lock us out until dark.”
Fantastic! Look how well that turned out—you’re now dishing out unsolicited advice in the grocery aisle! My partner and I were thinking of letting our little one reach age two before we set her loose to forge her own path. - “That baby is either hungry, tired, or wet.”
Thank you, oh wise sage. I was worried it was about the economy. But yes, I suppose that wouldn’t be very age-appropriate for a five-month-old. Please go ahead and offer your masterful insights while we focus on purchasing items for Easter baskets.
It’s truly astonishing what people feel compelled to say to new parents. It’s as if, upon announcing a pregnancy, there’s an invisible sign around your neck that reads: “Help! I’m completely clueless.” While I know many mean well and believe it takes a village to raise a child, must we treat parents like they’re fools? For more relevant insights on parenting and home insemination, check out this excellent resource and see how you can navigate the journey.