“You’re going to breastfeed, right?” This was the statement everyone made during my pregnancy. It felt less like a question and more like a judgment: “You can’t possibly want to harm your baby, can you?” Naturally, I was determined to embrace the mantra that “breast is best.” I feared that if I couldn’t breastfeed, I’d be failing as a mother and that my small child would suffer dire consequences.
My hopes of happily nourishing my newborn with copious amounts of nutrient-rich breastmilk came crashing down during our first pediatrician visit when my baby was just four days old. The doctor informed me that she was diagnosed with “failure to thrive.” In other words, she had lost weight, and I was essentially starving her because my milk supply was insufficient. I felt like I had already let her down as a mother.
This was certainly not how I envisioned our early days together. In that doctor’s office, I had a complete meltdown and vowed to do everything in my power to increase my milk production, no matter how extreme. Having just given birth three days earlier, my emotions were running high, and my hormones were all over the place. With little sleep and physical discomfort from recovery, my focus was solely on my baby. I was advised to supplement with formula, which I begrudgingly did, but I was determined to produce as much breast milk as possible.
At the time, I thought this was an achievable goal. Everyone kept telling me that if I just put in more effort, I could produce enough milk and reclaim my status as a “worthy mother.” Here are some of the lengths I went to in my mission to enhance my milk supply:
- Spent $1,600 on four lactation consultants. Can you imagine how many dinners that could have bought? Not only did none of them help, but one even said I was “brave” for not getting breast implants because of my small chest. Seriously?
- Rented a hospital-grade pump and engaged in “power pumping” every three hours, around the clock. I pumped in front of my in-laws, in a moving car, and even in the bathroom of a Chipotle. I was so exhausted from pumping multiple times a night that I once fainted. My body felt like it had been through a meat grinder.
- Tried every supplement imaginable: Fenugreek, Goats Rue, Blessed Thistle…you name it. All they did was leave me feeling more constipated and smelling like maple syrup.
- Consumed anything marketed as lactation-friendly: Milk Makers Cookies, Boobie Lattes, and so on. While they were tasty, they didn’t help my milk production but at least gave me a way to cope with my frustrations.
- Attended a weekly “Breastfeeding Support Group” where the lactation consultant wouldn’t let us even say the word “formula.”
- Took a black market drug called “Domperidone,” which is known to increase lactation but is banned in the U.S. due to serious health risks. I had to order it from a questionable online pharmacy in Thailand. Did I mention it caused me to gain 25 pounds?
- Experimented with a “supplemental nursing system,” which was essentially a plastic tube taped to my nipple, allowing my baby to drink both breastmilk and formula. Unfortunately, my baby treated it like a milkshake, causing most of the formula to spill everywhere.
None of these strategies worked.
The reality was that my body simply wasn’t designed to produce ample milk. After months of relentless efforts, I was finally diagnosed with “Insufficient Glandular Tissue,” meaning I lacked the necessary tissue to make milk. Instead of giving me permission to stop, the lactation consultant insisted I pump even more, claiming that even a small amount of breastmilk was better than none. It felt like I was being pushed to the brink, with no regard for my mental health.
Fortunately, after receiving my diagnosis — while I was in tears and taping the SNS to my insufficient breast — my supportive husband intervened. He wanted me to stop breastfeeding, expressing concern for both our child and my well-being. Though I was heartbroken, a part of me felt relieved. I finally let go of the fight against my exhausted body and focused on enjoying my time with my baby. I bought a bulk supply of formula and never looked back.
Reflecting on this experience, I realize I longed for someone to tell me it was okay to stop breastfeeding and that I could still be a good mother without it. If you’re feeling similarly overwhelmed, I want to assure you that it’s perfectly fine to put the pump away, set aside the guilt, and quit. While breast milk is beneficial, being a happy, present mother is far more important. Enjoy the moments with your little one. Remember, fed is best, and taking care of your mental health is crucial. So grab that bottle of formula — even the generic kind is great! — and enjoy a glass of wine now that you’re no longer breastfeeding. Cheers!
For more insights on this journey, check out this blog post about home insemination and visit this authoritative site for more information. If you’re planning a family, March of Dimes is an excellent resource for all things related to pregnancy and home insemination.
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Summary:
In her candid narrative, Laura Bennett shares her challenging experience with breastfeeding and the lengths she went to increase her milk supply, including costly consultations and extreme measures. Ultimately, she realizes the importance of prioritizing her health and well-being over societal pressures, embracing formula feeding as a valid choice. The article provides encouragement for mothers facing similar struggles, advocating for self-care and the belief that a happy, present mother is what’s truly best for the child.