I was scrubbing dishes the other evening when my partner strolled into the kitchen, planner in hand, and a pile of papers. “Did you realize the kids have a couple of days off next month for fall break and teacher training?” she asked.
“What? Didn’t we just start school? Why do they need another break?” I replied, exasperated.
She shrugged, waving the school calendar. “I don’t know, but we should look at the year’s schedule and figure out what we’ll do when they’re out of school.”
I sighed, finished washing the dishes, and pulled up my calendar. My partner flipped through her planner, and we began the frustrating task of deciding who would take time off to care for our three kids, who are still too young to be left alone. Sure, they can amuse themselves (though whether they actually do is another matter), but they haven’t reached full independence—nor do they possess the judgment to keep themselves safe.
Throughout the school year, there are random days off, a confusing half-day in March, and extended winter and spring breaks to plan around. This doesn’t even include the days when a child is sick or, heaven forbid, has an unexpected lice outbreak.
After we each claimed a few days to be with the kids during school closures, we were still left with about eight days that required coverage. Our options were either to work from home (which usually means not getting anything done due to the kids’ distractions) or to pay for the school’s day camp, which is meant for parents needing childcare during breaks. The irony? If I can’t afford to take time off, I certainly can’t pay for someone to watch the kids while I work. None of our choices involve help from family; we’re on our own, and it’s frustrating.
“I wonder what Mike and Sarah are doing with their children during winter break? Maybe we could swap kids for a day or two,” my partner suggested. I watched her pull out her phone and text Sarah. A moment later, she let out a grunt of disappointment and showed me the response: “Grandma’s coming to watch the kids!”
“Must be nice,” I said, feeling a hint of jealousy. My kids don’t have grandparents nearby. My partner and I lack family members close enough to lend a hand—or willing to do so.
I find myself feeling grumpy when friends in our “village” casually mention how their parents are taking the kids for a weekend so they can enjoy a much-needed date night. Are we really in this together? Because it seems like their parents are certainly not volunteering to look after my kids.
I’m happy for my friends who have family support, but I can’t help but feel a twinge of resentment when I hear about relatives stepping in to help. It’s not that I don’t love my friends or think they don’t deserve a break; it’s just that I can’t shake the frustration of not having that same level of support. I long for the comfort of knowing that I could ask a family member for help when I need it most.
My partner and I don’t have any backup, and sometimes it feels like we’re the only ones without a safety net. We nod along when friends make plans around their family’s availability, and we bite our tongues when they mention relatives visiting to assist with childcare. We pretend to be excited about their Netflix nights made possible by Grandma taking care of the kids. But inside, we’re seething with envy.
It must be nice to dodge daycare expenses and have someone to lean on when unexpected challenges arise. The weight of parenting can feel unbearable at times, and the absence of that support can be isolating. Not only do I wish for someone to look after my kids, but I also yearn for someone to alleviate some of my own burdens. I don’t want pampering; I just want someone to share the load, to notice how hard I’m working, and to give me the relief of knowing my kids are with someone they love.
Being a parent can feel overwhelming, and I often find myself envious of friends who can easily reach out to their parents for help—just as our children do with us.
If you’re navigating similar challenges, you might find helpful insights on nutrition and exercise for fertility at Nutrition and Exercise Insights, and for those considering home insemination, check out Insemination Kit for additional resources. The UCSF Center is also an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
Parenting without nearby family support can be a heavy burden for working parents. The constant juggling of work and childcare responsibilities can lead to feelings of isolation and envy when others have family to rely on. The desire for support and relief from daily challenges is a common struggle, highlighting the importance of community and assistance in parenting.