I find myself utterly hopeless when it comes to gift giving. This isn’t a case of false humility; it’s a straightforward acknowledgment of my shortcomings. At a fundamental level, I simply lack the talent for selecting meaningful gifts.
If you’re familiar with the concept of The 5 Love Languages, you know that “gift giving” is one of them. I recently took the assessment and discovered that my primary love language is “acts of service,” followed closely by “words of affirmation.” Unsurprisingly, “gift giving” came in last — I might have scored a big fat zero in that category. I don’t revel in receiving gifts, nor do I convey my affection through them.
In essence, I have zero instincts when it comes to gifting. Even when I receive an invitation to a birthday celebration, thoughts about what to bring don’t even cross my mind. It usually hits me like a brick wall the day before or even the morning of the event, sparking a last-minute scramble. It’s not that I haven’t been thinking about the individual; I’ve probably spent considerable time reflecting on how grateful I am to know them and how excited I am to celebrate their special day. Yet, the act of selecting a gift doesn’t register.
My generosity shines in other areas. I’m more than willing to babysit your kids for a bit, compose a heartfelt letter or poem, or find ways to ease someone’s burdens. I’ll offer just about anything you ask, and I pride myself on being a gracious host. However, this generosity doesn’t translate into gift giving.
My close friends and family are well aware of my gifting struggles, which makes things easier. But it’s not all smooth sailing. There are various occasions where gift-giving is expected, and I’m often clueless. When it comes to etiquette, such as bringing a hostess gift or holiday presents for co-workers, teachers, or mail carriers, I’m completely out of my depth. The festive season is particularly daunting for someone like me. Birthdays and anniversaries are a close second and third in terms of stress.
Fortunately, my partner shares my lack of gifting prowess, so we make a great team. Our approach to special occasions often involves saying, “Hey, remember that kitchen gadget we’ve been eyeing? Let’s buy it and call it a birthday gift for each other.” We’re entirely content with this arrangement, and I can’t recall the last time we exchanged a wrapped gift. That just doesn’t happen, and we couldn’t be more satisfied.
Part of my gifting aversion may stem from a desire for simplicity. I dislike giving items that are unnecessary or that will clutter someone’s space until they feel compelled to donate them. When I do decide to give something, it usually ends up being flowers or candy — fleeting gifts. Even those cause me stress; the flowers will wilt, and the candy might tempt someone’s self-control.
I tend to overthink the whole process. If it’s truly the thought that counts, why can’t I acknowledge my thoughts about someone and simply express that to them?
I recognize that many of you who excel in the gift-giving department might not relate to my struggles. I have friends who thrive on the joy of selecting presents, and I admire their enthusiasm. I hope that my own thoughtfulness, expressed through actions and words rather than material items, is understood just as well.
To those who share my gifting woes, hang in there this holiday season. You’re not alone in this journey, my friend.
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Summary:
Gift giving can be a daunting task for some, particularly for those who find themselves lacking in this area. While thoughts of love and gratitude may abound, the act of selecting a tangible gift often proves challenging. It’s important to recognize that generosity and thoughtfulness can be expressed in various ways beyond physical gifts. As the holiday season approaches, it’s essential for those who struggle with gift giving to remember they are not alone.