Children create an abundance of art with paints, crayons, and markers — from dinosaurs and princesses to bear drawings and flower masterpieces. They craft everything from practical handprint magnets to absurd creations like clothespin sheep. Much of this art falls into the “absurd” category: think advent wreaths, cotton-ball clouds, and quirky paper dolls. They also write stories and bring home a mountain of schoolwork — test scores, homework, and glittering gold stars that pile up on the dining table, which rarely sees a meal. Papers find their way onto the wine cooler and clutter the fridge, forming layers like geological sediment.
So, dear child, I must confess: I’ve tossed them.
This is the unspoken truth of parenting: we are the ones who discreetly dispose of items. My partner is somewhat of a collector. If left to him, we’d navigate through our home via narrow pathways between clutter. It seems many fathers share this tendency, as if they lived through an era of scarcity and feel compelled to save everything “just in case” — including outdated milk jugs and broken action figures. Thus, the responsibility falls on us, the mothers armed with hefty garbage bags, to prevent our homes from being overrun by excess.
We may discard lighter plastic animals, but not the sturdier ones with real eyes. Out go those impulse buys from the store — the ones that silenced your pleas momentarily. Even if it’s a beloved triceratops that you claim as your spirit dinosaur, I’ll still toss it. But this debate never happens because you’re blissfully unaware of my actions. I’m a stealthy mom with my garbage bag. If you catch wind of something missing, I feign ignorance. “Oh, that old thing? I thought I saw it around here somewhere,” I’ll say, as you wander off, momentarily frustrated but soon distracted.
We clear out toys while picking up your room. During one of our trips to the trash can, I’ll slyly scoop up those wooden dolls you never touch or those plastic fish from a game that’s long gone. Plop! They join the old juice boxes and other forgotten items. We even discard toys while you sleep — you never seem to notice. If you do realize a toy is gone, we simply act oblivious. That broken action figure? “Oh dear, I didn’t mean for that to end up in the trash! Here, take it back,” I’ll say, only to wait until you’re out of sight to dispose of it again. After all, it’s broken.
We also reduce the overflowing collection of stuffed animals. These toys seem to multiply overnight, gifted during holidays and outings. Do you really need that plush octopus when it means keeping all those Christmas bears and other plush creatures? Some of them must go.
So, we retrieve that big black trash bag, waiting for you to be engrossed in your Legos or video games. We sneak into your space and take the least-loved stuffed animals, the ones you likely won’t miss. Then, we arrange the remaining ones lovingly and tie up that hefty bag, ready for the donation box before you catch on.
What if you do notice, dear child? We maintain our ruse. “Oh, this old action figure? I had no idea it was in the trash! How did that happen?” Then, we wait for you to leave so we can toss it again, because let’s be honest — it’s taking up space.
We do this to avoid being overwhelmed by stuffed animals, broken toys, cheap plastic figures, lost game pieces, and all manner of clutter. It’s a necessary act of tidying up. Someday, you’ll understand this when you’re older. Until then, we’ll remain the stealthy ninjas with our trash bags.
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Summary
Disposing of children’s clutter often falls to parents, especially mothers, who must navigate the fine line between tidiness and their children’s sentimental attachments. As kids create countless artworks and accumulate toys, parents discreetly toss out the less-loved items to maintain order without raising suspicion. This practice, while sneaky, serves to keep homes from becoming overwhelmed with excess, preparing children for the value of space and organization.