Abstract
Exploring the complexities of identity, motherhood, and the evolving nature of family ties.
Navigating the journey of parenthood often brings unexpected reflections on personal identity. When my partner, Alex, and I welcomed our children into the world, we were not married and had no immediate plans to tie the knot. At that time, changing my last name seemed utterly unappealing. I had never envisioned this possibility for myself, regardless of my relationship status or the presence of children in my life.
Fast forward to today, and I find myself happily married with two wonderful kids, proudly maintaining my original surname. Our children’s names are hyphenated, a reflection of both of our identities, and it feels like a perfect fit for us. Alex has always respected my choice not to take his name, and in fact, he acknowledged that my surname complemented our children’s names beautifully. It’s 2021, and I realize just how fortunate I am to have a partner who embraces my decisions.
As we raised our boys, I felt a sense of pride in having my name as the second surname, which seemed progressive and fitting for our family. However, with our eldest son nearing the end of preschool, I’ve been wrestling with the idea of hyphenating my own last name to align with theirs. This impulse has left me feeling somewhat perplexed.
On one hand, it appears logical to create a cohesive family identity. Yet, I find myself grappling with my long-held beliefs that changing my name for anyone is unnecessary. I have often criticized the antiquated tradition that expects women to adopt their partner’s surname, and I’ve questioned the mindset of those who defend this practice.
However, I must clarify: my reasoning for considering a name change isn’t based on societal expectations. It’s about my children. I carried them within me, experienced the physical transformations during pregnancy, and endured the challenges of childbirth. This deep connection makes the thought of altering my name feel like a symbolic gesture of unity. As my eldest approaches a significant milestone—starting kindergarten—I feel the bittersweet pangs of letting go. It’s a transition that signifies his emergence into independence, while I grapple with the reality of my role changing.
Reflecting on my feelings, I shared with Alex that I desire a tangible link to my children as they navigate the world. It’s a sentiment that resonates deeply with any parent, and it may explain the dreams I’ve been having, where my teeth fall out—a common metaphor for feeling lost during major life transitions.
It’s remarkable how society often makes parenting appear seamless, while in reality, it involves daily struggles to balance love, control, and identity. As I contemplate these changes, I recognize that many parents have faced similar dilemmas—and it’s a testament to our resilience.
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In conclusion, the decision to change one’s last name is deeply personal and often intertwined with the evolving dynamics of family life. As I navigate this emotional landscape, I am reminded that parenting is a journey of constant adaptation and love.