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Over a decade ago, I experienced my second miscarriage, an event that, while the pain has lessened over time, never completely fades.
Miscarriage is a profound loss, and the grief that accompanies it is very real. Each woman’s experience is unique, and the emotional toll can vary significantly from one loss to another. I endured three miscarriages, each evoking different feelings. My first miscarriage, an early loss sometimes referred to as a chemical pregnancy, left me in a state of confusion as I mourned something I hadn’t fully realized was mine.
The second miscarriage was far more challenging, involving numerous doctor visits filled with hope, followed by the harsh reality of a D&C procedure after my doctor cautioned that waiting could lead to severe complications. The grief from that experience was overwhelming, yet I faced it in silence. As a stay-at-home mom, I didn’t feel the need to inform my employer or colleagues. However, the weight of that loss was often unbearable. My coping mechanisms included long walks with my dogs and toddler, diving into self-help literature, and occasionally letting my son watch television to distract myself.
What made this experience even more difficult was the societal pressure to “move on” from something so common as miscarriage. But the reality is that we shouldn’t have to. This is why initiatives like New Zealand’s groundbreaking miscarriage bereavement leave legislation are so crucial. This law not only provides financial relief for families but also officially recognizes the grief that follows a pregnancy loss.
As Ginny Anderson, the politician behind the proposal, stated, “The bill will give women and their partners time to come to terms with their loss without having to tap into sick leave. Because their grief is not a sickness. It is a loss. And loss takes time.”
This law is more than just a policy change; it symbolizes an acknowledgment of the profound grief associated with miscarriage. Mental health professionals support this perspective, emphasizing that recognizing miscarriage as a significant loss can help shift workplace culture. Julia Bueno, a London-based psychotherapist, remarked that this is a much-needed recognition of miscarriage as a serious bereavement that deserves attention.
Despite progress, there remains a stigma around discussing miscarriage openly, especially in professional settings. I have often hesitated to share my experiences publicly, even in spaces where such discussions are relevant. The fear of judgment and the desire to maintain a professional facade can prevent women from expressing their grief. This is precisely why laws like New Zealand’s are essential: they foster an environment where women can be authentic about their experiences without fear of stigma.
True workplace success hinges on allowing individuals to bring their whole selves to work, including their grief and struggles. New Zealand’s law sends a powerful message: “I see your pain. I recognize you as a whole person.”
This acknowledgment is not only impactful but also necessary for fostering a supportive and understanding community.
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