Two things send shivers down my spine:
- The idea of being buried alive
- My kids requesting a sleepover party
I’ve bravely hosted a sleepover only twice, and that was two times too many. The memories are a bit hazy—trauma often does that to you—but here’s how the emotional ride of a sleepover typically unfolds:
Denial
Before the festivities kick off, you hype yourself up with optimistic thoughts:
- How bad can it really be?
- I have a plethora of fun activities lined up.
- My kid’s friends are great; they make wise decisions.
- I make wise decisions.
You give yourself a high-five for being the ultimate mom, picturing a serene scene where you work on puzzles or refinishing furniture while the kids entertain themselves. #blessed
Complete Chaos
Just seconds after the guests arrive, Denial swiftly gives way to Complete Chaos. Ten excited boys can create a whirlwind of mayhem in no time! It’s like a rodeo where everything is spinning out of control. The boys are everywhere and nowhere all at once: in and out of the house, upstairs, downstairs, playing games, not playing games, on their phones, off their phones, all while declaring things like, “My flashlight is broken,” “I think I got stung by a bee,” “I’m starving,” and “My sister has lice.” (Wait, what?!)
Questions come flying at you:
- Where’s my phone?
- Do you have a charger? (Not that kind of charger)
- What breed is that dog?
- Where’s Max?
- Where’s my underwear?
- What’s that smell?
- Is it cake time yet?
And amidst this chaos, you ponder: Where on earth did my partner disappear to?
After what feels like six hours (but is really only three), you finally manage to corral everyone into one room for a “quiet time” with popcorn and a movie. You naively think this will calm them down enough to sleep by midnight. Perfect, right?
Oh, silly you! The movie lasts a mere nine minutes before the boys announce they’ve seen it fifteen times and “it’s terrible.” Instead, they decide to wrestle, throw snacks at each other, and engage in high-energy gaming because YOLO!
After two more hours of Complete Chaos, you embark on the long and painful journey known as “Please, Go the Eff to Sleep,” leading to the inevitable stage of…
Anger
The anger phase lasts from midnight until around 2 a.m. It’s the moment when Cheerful Mom transforms into Raging Mom. After countless trips in and out of the room, resentment fills the air. You’re now angry at:
- Yourself (Really? Ten boys? Brilliant idea.)
- The movie’s star for not being more entertaining.
- The creator of Xbox (or “that jerk” as you now refer to him in your mind).
- Your partner, who returned just in time for a slice of cake but then vanished after sharing a few immature jokes.
You’re also less than thrilled with:
- Bathroom Boy: This kid has the bladder of an elderly woman and disrupts the group every five minutes.
- Candy Kid: The one who had too much sugar three hours ago and may throw up any moment.
- Loud Whisperer: Just as everyone starts to doze off, he feels the need to describe the most hilarious YouTube video in detail.
- Phone Ninja: Despite confiscating all devices, one sneaky kid somehow still has his phone, which pings every ten minutes. Naturally, no one will expose him because he’s the hero of the sleepover. PING!
Panic
Around 2 a.m., the anger shifts to panic as the reality of sleeplessness dawns on you. Comforting thoughts spiral in your mind:
- What if they never go to sleep?
- What if they NEVER go to SLEEP?
Bargaining
This is your last-ditch effort to restore sanity. You plead for mercy: “For the love of entertainment, please, please go to sleep!” You even contemplate the “ugly cry” to guilt them into submission, but that might just give them nightmares. How about some warm milk? Maybe a Benadryl brownie? Anyone?
Depression
By 3 a.m., you realize this chaos is akin to childbirth. You’re utterly drained, feeling like you’ve been run over by a truck, and questioning if you’ve soiled yourself. To top it off, you still have to feed these hungry kids in just four short hours. Hopefully, like childbirth, this torment will fade from memory in a few weeks.
Acceptance
Miraculously, you wake up the next morning just in time to greet cheerful parents picking up their kids. They share stories of their enjoyable date nights and how they savored sleeping in until 9 a.m. You, on the other hand, recount how delightful their kids were while standing there without a bra, mascara streaming down your face, and popcorn stuck in your hair (you hope it’s popcorn).
Then your disheveled child wanders in, gives you a huge hug, and says, “Thanks, Mom. That was a blast!” Same time next year? Absolutely.
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Summary
Navigating a sleepover party can be an emotional whirlwind for parents, shifting from optimistic Denial to chaotic madness, then to anger and panic, culminating in acceptance. The experience, while exhausting, often ends with heartfelt gratitude from your child, making it all worthwhile.