On our very first date, my partner turned to me and asked, “Do you snore?” Without skipping a beat, I replied, “Not a chance — I’m not into sports, I adore brunch, and my guilty pleasure is anything on Bravo.” Okay, perhaps I was stretching the truth a little about the snoring part, but that little fib turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve made. Fast forward to today, and we’re happily married with our adorable 3-month-old son named Jacob. Had I been honest about my nightly symphony of snoring, twitching, and occasional sleep-laughing, I might still be single, contemplating life in a cramped studio.
One of the cornerstones of our thriving marriage is the choice to have separate bedrooms. Not just separate beds, mind you, but entirely different rooms. When we tell friends about this arrangement, they often raise their eyebrows and say, “Wow, that’s unusual.” Perhaps it is, but we also enjoy the benefits of a good night’s sleep.
Sure, there’s a popular belief that there’s nothing quite like having a warm body beside you in bed. But I’d argue that the comfort of a cool mattress is even better. When we first started dating, I found it odd that my petite partner, standing at 5 feet 4 inches, opted for a king-sized bed. She tends to spread out, taking up as much space as possible, making it nearly impossible for anyone else to get comfortable beside her. It’s not unusual for her to wake up completely horizontal!
My partner, a light sleeper who has battled insomnia for years, found herself matched with a man who becomes a complete nightmare when asleep. Our initial attempts to share a bed resulted in both of us waking up groggy and irritable. So, when we made the decision to cohabitate, we prioritized having our own bedrooms. At one point, we even joked about including in our wedding vows, “I promise to cherish you for better or worse, in sickness and health, and in separate bedrooms until we part ways.”
Let’s face it: having someone else in your bed can disrupt sleep more than it helps. Back in the day, it was quite common for couples to have separate beds, as our grandparents knew the value of a good night’s rest. We took that notion further, opting for separate rooms at opposite ends of our apartment. We made this choice out of love for one another.
Now, with our baby in the picture and living in a two-bedroom apartment, I’m about to lose my room to Jacob. For the moment, he’s in the living room, but soon, we’ll swap rooms, and a divider will create a semblance of privacy in my new 8-by-10 space. My queen mattress will be exchanged for a full-size one, and for the first time in my life, my bedroom will lack a TV and dresser.
Before my partner settled on the idea of a divider for the living room, there were some rather creative suggestions for my sleeping arrangements: outside on our tiny patio, in the bathtub, or even tucked away behind the couch. Thankfully, she chose the divider instead.
According to a study by the National Sleep Foundation from 2005, nearly 25% of couples sleep apart, whether in separate beds or rooms. It seems that more people are beginning to understand that our grandparents, who enjoyed decades of marriage, had it figured out. They would gather for family dinners, watch their favorite shows, and then retire to their respective bedrooms.
If you find yourself in a relationship where you prefer your own sleeping space, broaching the topic of separate rooms might ruffle some feathers. But don’t worry; they’ll likely come around and might even agree to the idea! One day, our son might ask, “Mommy, why do you and Daddy sleep in different rooms?” And my partner will simply explain, “Because Daddy snores, dear. That’s the reason.” Hopefully, he’ll carry that lesson with him throughout life.
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Summary
The secret to a happy marriage for Alex and their partner lies in having separate bedrooms, which allows for better sleep and a harmonious relationship. Despite initial skepticism from others, they found that individual sleeping spaces have greatly enhanced their quality of life together, especially now with a newborn.