Lisa:
What’s a lesson about happiness you’ve learned since turning 18?
Jordan:
Like many young adults, I struggled with self-awareness and was often consumed by insecurity. My emotions felt like unpredictable weather—external forces that swept over me without warning. It’s easy to get swept up in feelings of fear, anger, or sadness when you lack perspective. As a teenager, everything seems like a first experience. It’s as if you’re a primitive human—when the sun disappears, you can’t help but wonder if it will ever return. Just recalling those days makes me want to embrace the first 18-year-old I encounter.
As I’ve grown, I’ve developed the ability to identify my emotions and understand their triggers. Now, when I feel down or irritable, I mentally rewind to pinpoint the cause. For instance, “Oh! I’m upset because I let household tasks interfere with my writing today.” Or, “Hmm, I was in a good mood until I overheard that news story that stirred my anxiety.” The quicker I can acknowledge the issue, the faster I can regain my footing. Even if a problem can’t be swiftly resolved, I take comfort in having navigated through darker times before. That’s what perspective brings—an invaluable reward of experience I wouldn’t trade for anything.
Is there a recurring behavior that hinders your happiness?
I’m a recovering control enthusiast. Whenever I try to control someone else’s actions, I’m only setting us both up for disappointment. In my memoir, I discussed how micromanaging my partner’s relationship with our children during the early years of parenting was incredibly damaging. When your every action suggests you doubt someone else’s ability to make choices, you create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
“It’s remarkable that raising a family can bring me so much joy. I never viewed myself as particularly maternal or even very suited for marriage.” This tendency is very subtle, so I must monitor my intentions carefully when I offer “help” or “advice.” Often, the best support you can provide is simply expressing your belief in someone’s abilities.
Do you notice behaviors in others that significantly impact their happiness?
Tom Petty wisely observed, “Most of the things I worry about never happen anyway.” A large portion of unhappiness stems from concerns that aren’t rooted in reality. While life inevitably brings legitimate sorrow, I often find that when I ask myself if I’m okay today, the answer is usually yes. It’s often worries about tomorrow or regrets about yesterday that cloud my mind. Staying present is a challenge, even when the current moment can be such a joyful space.
Have your happiness levels fluctuated throughout your life?
I grew up in the Northeast, and I joke about how I only realized I was a naturally cheerful person after moving to the South. This isn’t just a joke; I’m deeply affected by sunlight. If Little Rock experiences three overcast days in a row, I’m quite miserable. Newfoundland is stunning, but there’s a reason its capital has the most pubs per capita in North America—I’d have likely self-medicated long ago.
Have you ever been surprised that something you thought would bring you joy didn’t, or vice versa?
I find it extraordinary that family life could bring me such happiness. I never considered myself especially maternal or destined for domesticity. I imagined I would write a book about my romantic journey with my partner—an epic love story. However, I discovered that the most fulfilling parts of my life—the true adventure—unfolded after the “happily ever after.” It’s the small, everyday moments that turn out to be the most profound—those instances where I think, “This is true bliss, right here and now.”
For more insights from Lisa Carter, visit her website.
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In summary, embracing the small, ordinary moments in life can lead to profound happiness. By recognizing emotional triggers, staying present, and supporting others, we can cultivate a more fulfilling life.