Marriage is a journey that ebbs and flows, often revealed through the lens of shared experiences. Take, for instance, a recent trip I took with my partner, where the pressures of travel brought out the worst in us.
“Wait, you missed the exit?” I exclaimed in disbelief.
“Yeah… I was distracted talking to the kids,” he admitted.
“Can’t you do both?”
“I didn’t see it coming!”
“Why not just ask for directions?”
“Because I was fine!”
“Clearly, you were not.”
Though it was just a ten-minute detour, it felt monumental—one of many such moments in our relationship. We eventually moved past this incident, but these frustrations lurk in the background, ready to surface unexpectedly.
Lately, my husband and I find ourselves in a constant state of mild annoyance with one another. I often joke that our irritation is really directed at the small, energetic beings who have invaded our previously tranquil home. I take deep breaths, smile through gritted teeth, and try to remain composed while managing the chaos. Unfortunately, that irritation sometimes spills over onto Joel.
I recall a time when I eagerly anticipated his return home, counting each moment until I could see him again. Now, when he walks through the door, my first thought is, “Finally, someone to help!” But then he takes his time to change clothes and use the bathroom.
“Mom, isn’t it funny that Dad’s an adult, yet you tell him how long he can stay in there?” my son asked recently.
I had to resist the urge to say, “No, Aiden. It’s not funny at all.”
I recognize that my own behavior isn’t perfect either. I can be controlling, occasionally irrational, and quite emotional. I understand why he might find me less than likable at times. Honestly, I sometimes struggle to like myself. My primary goal in these chaotic years is simple: survival. I’m just trying to make it until all three kids are in school, managing their own needs, and understanding the dangers of running into traffic.
If I reach that point, I’ll then focus on becoming a more pleasant version of myself. For now, I am grateful that he remains by my side. In this season of raising young children, we are committed to supporting one another.
There is a season for everything, and I’ve come to recognize this truth in my marriage more than anywhere else in life. I once believed that our current struggles defined our entire relationship. If we weren’t aligned today, I feared we would never be. If I felt unhappy now, I thought it would be permanent.
During our time in Prague, it felt as if we were living in separate worlds—his filled with joy, and mine lacking it. At night, an invisible barrier seemed to exist between us, allowing only our hands to touch while keeping our true selves apart.
The wall didn’t fall in a single moment; it came down gradually. One evening, I realized it was gone. We had simply transitioned through a season and emerged on the other side.
Now, I strive to manage my emotions and avoid sweeping generalizations. I remind myself that this phase, whether joyful or challenging, is just a season—one that will eventually pass. Recognizing this allows me to savor the enjoyable moments more fully, knowing they are fleeting, while also enduring the tough times with the understanding that they too will fade.
In retrospect, we will likely cherish these challenging times the most. “Can you believe we survived raising young kids?” he might say, as we relax together on the porch. “Or that big move to Prague?” I would respond, pulling my scarf tighter around my neck, envisioning autumn in those fond future memories.
My perception of love has evolved significantly over the years, and I imagine it will continue to do so. I believe love itself remains constant, even as my understanding of it transforms. Today, I define love as the commitment to be there for one another at the end of each day, regardless of whether we’ve liked each other much. It may not match the idealistic vision I had before marriage, but it possesses a beauty all its own.
In this current phase of managing young children, that sense of togetherness is more than enough.
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In summary, marriage is a journey marked by various seasons, filled with challenges and joys. Understanding that these phases will pass can help couples navigate their relationships with more resilience and gratitude.