Updated: May 14, 2020
Originally Published: March 18, 2016
My partner insists that I still “have it.” He chuckles at my jokes, or maybe he’s laughing at my antics. Regardless, laughter fills our home, which can only be a positive sign, right?
Of course, we annoy each other from time to time. But that’s just part of sharing a life and raising a family together. In fact, I’d argue that our occasional annoyances contribute to the chemistry we share.
Our marriage celebrated its 10th anniversary last year. We’ve been fortunate to welcome three wonderful children into our lives, and we generally maintain a peaceful coexistence, even with our tween daughter navigating those tricky years. Take a moment to appreciate that!
We navigated our way past the infamous seven-year itch, and thankfully, we’ve avoided infidelity and major conflicts that might threaten our bond. We’ve experienced life in both his homeland (England) and mine (Canada), making countless compromises along the way.
Overall, our decade together has been fantastic, and we consider ourselves lucky.
While I know my partner is still learning to embrace my free-spirited nature, which has been part of me since we first met, I’m also learning to appreciate his structured, logical approach to life. Most of the time, we honor each other’s differences, recognizing that they are the foundation of our attraction and provide diverse influences for our children.
However, there are moments when I’d like to give him a piece of my mind. And I’m sure he occasionally feels the same about my stubbornness. This is the reality of a Type A personality paired with a Type B. But despite those challenges, I genuinely cherish our marriage—it’s more fulfilling than I ever imagined, and I wouldn’t change a thing.
Yet, I am aware that nothing is guaranteed.
Today’s harmony could transform into tomorrow’s turmoil. Even though we’ve committed to a lifelong partnership, I never take for granted that divorce could be a reality for us.
Ten years, in the grand scheme of things, is not that long. I’m well aware of this; my parents divorced when I was 11. From my perspective, their marriage seemed solid. They laughed and enjoyed each other’s company, and I felt secure as a child—just as my kids do now. But their marriage, despite its appearances, ended after 15 years.
Separation and dissatisfaction are prevalent in today’s society. This often occurs during middle age, as people evolve and relationships can falter. Sometimes, couples simply lose the motivation to make things work; in other instances, stressful circumstances reveal the worst in partners, leading to fractures in the relationship. Betrayals can occur, leaving spouses blindsided by each other’s discontent.
I can see how this happens. Life can get overwhelmingly busy, and distractions can cloud our ability to connect with ourselves and our partners. We risk losing sight of who we are and the path we’re on. Furthermore, what we wish were true may never be.
I recently came across a concept that really resonated with me: the success of a relationship hinges on how partners respond to each other’s “bids.” Are we attentive to their expressed needs? Or do we overlook them? This idea of responding to “bids” has lingered with me. If we feel ignored or unheard, disillusionment can seep in.
This reflection made me consider the emotional needs of both my partner and myself. He might shy away from expressing his needs directly, while I openly communicate mine. As a Type A individual, he often strives to appear in control, so I’ve learned to interpret his subtle cues and stay attuned to his unspoken requests.
However, I realize this alone won’t guarantee the security of my marriage. I’ll continue to nurture our relationship, even if that means I need to adapt. Sometimes, a slight adjustment is all it takes to keep us aligned.
I’ll take this step—not just for him, but for us and our children. Still, I understand that nothing is infallible.
Marriage is inherently uncertain.
This article was first published on March 18, 2016.