The fundamental reason I can’t experience pregnancy is due to the absence of a uterus, vagina, and the other necessary reproductive organs. Perhaps I could even manage to push a baby out if, by some strange twist of fate, I developed the right anatomy. While that may seem simplistic, I’ve observed the birthing process closely twice, and it appears that labor pales in comparison to the challenges of carrying a child. The real hurdle for men lies in the ability to endure a pregnancy.
Most men are adept at handling pain, but only in short bursts—it’s a sprint. Once they see the finish line, they can push through. However, the prolonged ordeal of pregnancy, which includes nausea, fatigue, unexpected rashes, and emotional upheaval, is something men are generally ill-equipped to handle. We excel in using our muscles for brief, intense effort, but the constant discomfort and emotional rollercoaster? That’s a hard pass for most of us.
While some women relish the experience of being pregnant, claiming it to be “the most wonderful feeling,” I suspect they are in the minority and may not be entirely truthful. The reality for many women is that pregnancy can feel like a long, uncomfortable journey—more akin to a bumpy ride in an old station wagon than a serene stroll through the countryside.
From my vantage point, pregnancy might resemble having a prolonged bout of food poisoning for six months, followed by three months of weight gain, stretchy clothes, and the occasional tear over a pizza. Although I enjoy pizza and could probably manage the tears, it’s those initial six months of pregnancy that seem to be uniquely suited for women. It’s the remarkable maternal qualities of endurance, hope, and sheer determination that ensure our species continues to thrive. When a woman becomes pregnant, her brain undergoes a transformation, prioritizing emotional strength over facts and logic. I think they refer to this phenomenon as “Mommy Brain.”
During my partner’s pregnancy, she endured relentless nausea for five months. I was astounded. “So you’ve felt sick and utterly exhausted for two months straight, and even after throwing up, you still feel terrible?” I asked in disbelief. “Yep,” she replied, in a tone that said, “Bring this up again, and I might vomit on your shoes.”
In my younger days, if I experienced nausea, I would make myself throw up to feel better—almost like a rite of passage. Last year, I had the stomach flu twice. One of those times, my partner had it too. While I lay in bed unable to move, she was the one attending to the kids.
Puke.
Unwrap a cheese stick.
Lie down.
Bring husband water.
Roll eyes because husband is such a wuss.
Puke.
Puncture juice box… Repeat.
I’m not proud of my weakness, but I have no doubt that after just two days of pregnancy, I would find myself in the emergency room, convinced that I was harboring an alien life form rather than a fetus. I might even consider jumping off a mountain with a faulty parachute while shouting, “It’s just not worth it!”
Clearly, I hold immense respect for the strength women demonstrate during pregnancy. But don’t get too cocky, ladies. Just because I’m amazed by your ability to withstand the demands of nurturing a human being doesn’t mean I can’t outplay you in a game of basketball (limited to seven minutes, of course).
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In summary, while men may admire the resilience and strength it takes to endure pregnancy, the physical and emotional demands of carrying a child are a journey uniquely suited for women.