Just last night, my children woke up five times between them. I found myself stripping and washing bed linens, refilling bottles, cleaning carpets (don’t ask), indulging in snuggles, and addressing a variety of complaints. Who knew that the fear of dehydration or loneliness could loom so large between 2 and 5 a.m.?
Despite heading to bed early, I managed to gather a few fragmented hours of sleep. Thankfully, no one was sick, teething, or in pain. It was simply one of those exhausting nights.
The truth about experiences like this, regardless of how frequently they occur, is that they can feel painfully isolating in parenthood. Even if you have a partner to share the burden, it often feels like the rest of the world is oblivious to your struggles. Outside, street lamps shine brightly while the homes of your neighbors remain dark. You can almost hear their blissful snores in contrast to your kids’ persistent whining, and in those crushing moments, it’s easy to feel like you’re failing at parenting. Why me? Why my kids? With one child in preschool and the other well into toddlerhood, I thought sleepless nights were behind me. Apparently, I was mistaken.
As a new mom, I was often inundated with encouraging words that helped me navigate extreme sleep deprivation. My children certainly tested those limits. I was reassured that this phase of life would be fleeting and that sleepless nights would soon become a thing of the past. When you’re deep in the trenches, you cling to those sentiments like a lifeline, but the reality is they often serve as little more than a placebo. By the time you realize it, you might find yourself resembling a fire-breathing dragon—crazy hair, smeared makeup, and morning breath that could clear a room. Embrace it; you’re still beautiful, and a hot shower paired with strong coffee can work wonders.
The people who offer such empty reassurances may either have had exceptionally easy children (a rare occurrence, but it happens), have blocked out the trauma (who can blame them?), or simply refuse to acknowledge the struggle. The truth, however? It’s all a facade. What no one tells you is that the “phase” they refer to is parenthood itself, and sadly, you’re already neck-deep in it.
Tonight, it may be fears of the dark, but soon enough, it will morph into sleepovers, date nights, and even parties. Don’t fool yourself; your teenager won’t be coming home at 9 p.m. with a warm cup of milk. The reality is, your kids will keep you awake for the rest of your life. It was in the fine print when you signed up for this journey—always read the fine print.
While you may eventually get more sleep than in those early days, unexpected nighttime awakenings can still be just as jarring. The definition of “normal” is always shifting for all of us. Once, three hours of continuous sleep felt like a luxury; now, anything less than six hours can feel like a gut punch.
We often like to pretend that night awakenings and coffee-fueled mornings are either relics of infancy or have a clear cause, like illness—if you’re a “good” mom, that is. After all, reading all the best parenting books guarantees you’ll raise a child with “good sleeper” status, right? If your child struggles, it must be your fault for not doing x, y, or z.
So, it’s no surprise that we seldom discuss sleep issues in older children. Instead, we mutter expletives into our pillows, then send them off to school as if nothing happened. The bags under your eyes might tell a different story, but admitting this struggle feels like admitting defeat. However, if you Google “why won’t my kid sleep at night?”, you’ll quickly see that you’re not alone.
And that’s what needs to be said. Every parent, especially mothers, need to hear that they are not alone. Whether your children wake up frequently or just occasionally, that’s perfectly okay and largely normal. Don’t hesitate to explore online forums if they provide a sense of community. Go ahead and let out a good scream once the door is closed, and pour yourself a glass of pinot grigio at 2 a.m. if it helps you unwind and gain perspective. Most importantly, keep the conversation going—talk to your friends, your babysitter, or even the cashier at the grocery store. There’s healing in sharing experiences and commiserating with others.
Just keep moving forward, Mama. Parenthood involves skinned knees, broken hearts, irrational tantrums, and yes, sleepless nights. It’s a rough journey, and yours will be uniquely yours. Just be yourself—because this is tough, and that’s absolutely okay.
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Summary
Sleepless nights are a common struggle in parenthood, often filled with feelings of isolation and frustration. Despite well-meaning platitudes, the reality is that nighttime awakenings can persist long after infancy. Communication and support are crucial, reminding parents that they are not alone in their challenges. Embracing the journey of parenthood, with all its ups and downs, is essential for coping with the demands of raising children.