I have a fear of creepy crawlies, unexpected surprises from canned biscuits, and, of course, the possibility of an apocalypse involving zombies. However, one particular anxiety that crept into my mind during my first pregnancy was far more daunting than any of those.
As I prepared to welcome my first child, I was consumed by a singular worry: the prospect of pooping while giving birth. Like many first-time moms, I had my concerns about the physical toll childbirth would take on my body, especially my lady parts. It’s a daunting thought. After all, it’s akin to trying to squeeze an oversized pillow through the neck of a sweater.
But then came the realization that sent my anxiety spiraling: I might actually have a bowel movement during delivery. I stumbled upon a line in a pregnancy book that suggested pushing as if I were having a bowel movement. Suddenly, the question loomed: what stops you from doing just that? The chilling truth hit me like a ton of bricks: nothing.
The thought of sharing the birthing table with anything other than my baby—whether it be the placenta or last night’s dubious dinner—was enough to keep me awake at night. I could not shake the vision of being in a vulnerable position, surrounded by medical staff, and then—cue the sound effect of an embarrassing fart—it happening. In my mind, the scene played out like a horror film, complete with shocked expressions and muffled giggles from the nursing staff.
Desperate for reassurance, I called my friend Lisa, breathless with panic. “What if I poop during delivery?” I lamented.
“Honestly, it happens,” she replied. “It’s something they’re used to. Don’t worry about it.”
No big deal? The thought of losing control in front of a room full of strangers, including my husband—who I hoped would still find me attractive afterward—felt monumental. Sure, I trusted the medical team to handle any complications during birth, but the idea of them witnessing my most embarrassing moment was something entirely different. I mean, I once laughed so hard at a fart in Zumba class that I nearly had to leave.
I constructed a dramatic scenario in my mind: me, in a vulnerable position, knees to my chest, exposed under glaring lights, surrounded by a team of doctors, including a student who looked just like the dreamy Jake Ryan from Sixteen Candles. And then… the dreaded noise would erupt. I imagined horrified expressions, gagging, and the muffled snickers from the team.
Despite my overactive imagination, I tried to reassure myself. “They’re professionals,” I thought, though the anxiety remained.
Here’s the thing about childbirth, especially for first-timers: when the moment arrives, you’re so focused on bringing your baby into the world that concerns like public defecation fade into the background. When it was time to push, all I could think about was meeting the little one I had carried for nine months.
“Give it all you’ve got,” the nurse instructed. “Push as if you’re trying to have a bowel movement.” With the epidural numbing my lower body, I was in a haze but managed to follow her directions. That’s when I noticed her discreetly handling the absorbent pad beneath me.
Oh, dear Lord, I must have pooped.
But here’s the kicker: there was no laughter, no disgust or shock from the staff. In fact, I had to confirm with my husband whether my nightmare had indeed come true.
For the record, we’ve since welcomed three more children, and he seemed just fine with it.
So, to all you expectant mothers out there, fear not! It’s not as dreadful as you might envision. While you might prefer not to pass a stool alongside your newborn, it truly isn’t a big deal. Medical professionals are accustomed to the realities of childbirth, and if they do find it amusing, they’ve mastered the art of the poker face.
Remember, you’re about to welcome a new life; let go of the worries about something as trivial as poop. And if you’re curious about other aspects of pregnancy, check out this post about fertility supplements.
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Summary
Pooping during childbirth is a common concern for many expectant mothers, but the reality is often far less daunting than imagined. While the thought of losing control can be terrifying, medical professionals are accustomed to such occurrences and handle them with professionalism. Ultimately, the focus during childbirth should be on the new life being brought into the world rather than the embarrassing fears that may arise.