Individuals with high-functioning anxiety often mask their struggles remarkably well. I can attest to this, as I am one of them. Most of the time, I manage to function quite effectively. In fact, I rarely view myself as someone who “struggles” with anxiety—until those moments when everything spirals out of control. In those instances, it’s a whirlwind of chaos that drains my energy.
A Vivid Scenario
Let me illustrate a vivid scenario. As a busy mom with a demanding job and an equally busy partner, our lives revolve around our energetic toddler. While we don’t frequently indulge in elaborate nights out, we had one such occasion planned that I was eagerly anticipating. I was thrilled at the prospect of enjoying time with family and friends, celebrating, dressing up, and dancing. I even treated myself to a stunning pair of blue pumps that made me feel confident and vibrant.
At the time, I didn’t consider the possibility of anxiety creeping in. In hindsight, that may have been naive. I was ready to enjoy myself!
And I did—until everything changed in an instant. If you were to ask me what triggered it, I couldn’t pinpoint a specific moment. Instead, it was a combination of minor stressors that culminated in an anxiety attack—an overwhelming, heart-racing panic attack that turned my night upside down.
The Seriousness of Anxiety
I want to emphasize that these experiences are serious and can be terrifying. They can leave you feeling confused, frustrated, and at times, utterly paralyzed. As I reflect on that disrupted evening, I find some clarity and, surprisingly, humor in the situation. It also reminds me that there is no shame in experiencing anxiety. I didn’t do anything wrong. Many people refrain from discussing their struggles due to feelings of shame or the belief that others won’t understand. While it may be challenging for those who haven’t experienced anxiety or depression to fully grasp, it’s vital that conversations about these topics continue. Those of us who struggle can provide support and insights, while those who don’t can help foster understanding and empathy.
Silence and shame benefit no one. Before I began facing my own anxiety and depression, I was completely unaware of their realities. However, once diagnosed, I dove into research, uncovering that I was among the 40 million Americans living with some form of anxiety disorder, as noted by the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. I learned that women are often more susceptible to conditions like generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder—two unwelcome companions in my life.
This knowledge didn’t ease my recovery but helped me feel less alone. Understanding that I wasn’t isolated in my experiences allowed me to trust my instincts and feelings better. It took time, but I eventually reached out to those around me, which helped diminish my shame.
That Much-Anticipated Night Out
That much-anticipated night out? It turned into a moment where I had to rely on my coping strategies, even though the anxiety hit me without warning, leaving me scrambling to remember the tools I had developed.
What many who have never faced anxiety or depression don’t realize is how quickly things can shift. One moment you’re enjoying yourself, and the next, you’re engulfed in anxiety. That was my experience that night. I went from smiling and laughing to grappling with an anxiety attack, fighting back tears and struggling to breathe. The urge to escape to the nearest restroom felt overwhelming.
Despite everything I knew, I felt embarrassed and angry—both at myself and the illness that blindsides me when I least expect it. I recognized that I needed to leave, but I feared others wouldn’t understand and might even be upset with me. I knew that in the past, I would have tried to “tough it out,” likely leading to a much bigger meltdown.
Understanding Anxiety
People often ask me, “What does it feel like?” To be blunt, it’s awful. Your mind races uncontrollably, second-guessing every action and word, convinced everyone is judging your every choice. You start breathing rapidly, then try to regulate it, often resulting in hyperventilation. You feel as though you’re failing everyone around you, creating unhappiness and embarrassment. All your achievements seem meaningless, and you feel like a fraud.
That’s how it feels for me. Even though I know these thoughts aren’t true, when anxiety takes over, perception becomes reality. Without effective coping strategies and support from loved ones, anxiety attacks can feel isolating and debilitating.
Fortunately, I have a supportive network of family and friends who understand my struggles. They know that when I say, “I have to go,” I’m not pretending; I’m genuinely distressed. While I can sense their disappointment, I’ve learned to prioritize my well-being. Five years ago, that disappointment would have exacerbated my anxiety, but now I’m comfortable excusing myself to recover.
Embracing My Identity
I’m more open about my anxiety attacks, willing to recognize them for what they are, and confident in sharing my experiences to help others feel less alone. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am not defined by my anxiety. I can thrive as a successful professional, a loving wife, and a devoted mother while managing my anxiety—and I refuse to feel ashamed about it.
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Summary
Parenting while managing high-functioning anxiety can be overwhelming and isolating. Yet, sharing experiences and seeking support can help break the cycle of shame associated with anxiety. It’s crucial to understand that anxiety attacks can strike unexpectedly, turning joyful moments into distressing ones. By cultivating coping strategies and open communication, individuals can navigate their challenges while embracing their multifaceted identities.