Before I became a mother, I was convinced I had it all figured out. I attended every childbirth and breastfeeding workshop, devoured parenting books, and was eager to share my insights and philosophies. My confidence was unshakeable.
Then, I gave birth to my first child. After a long labor and a rather intense delivery (did you know multiple episiotomies are a thing?), I found myself completely unprepared for the reality of motherhood. It was far messier and more painful than I had anticipated—physically and emotionally. I felt as if I had been hit by a truck—the “Motherhood Truck,” as I like to call it.
This overwhelming sensation lingered during those blurry days following my son’s birth, when I was too weak to stand and too dazed to think clearly. The challenges didn’t stop there; they persisted throughout his first year and beyond. Now, after 13 years of parenting, I can confidently say I still don’t have all the answers.
I’ve raised my firstborn, now a teenager, alongside three younger siblings. Through the highs and lows of nurturing these unique individuals, I’ve witnessed my own strong opinions about parenting crumble one by one. Whenever I judged another mother’s choices, I often found myself humbled by my own children’s antics. The proof of my parenting journey is etched in the stains on my clothes and the scars on my heart.
What I’ve discovered is that nobody escapes the trials of motherhood unscathed. The parenting gods seem to test us all eventually. If you think you’ve mastered the art of baby sleep, your child will promptly prove you wrong. Consider yourself an expert in potty training? Just wait until your little one decides to hold it in. You might side-eye the mom of the preschool biter today, but when your sweet child takes a nibble out of a classmate next week, it’ll be your name on the incident report. Confident that your baby will never be a picky eater because they devour kale? Just wait until they declare all previously loved foods repulsive. Trust me, I’ve been there.
It’s amusing how no two adults are alike, yet we expect babies and children to fit neatly into a one-size-fits-all parenting mold. With four children of my own—three sons and a daughter—I can attest that they are all distinct individuals. The stereotypes of gender roles don’t apply in my home, except for the fact that not one of my boys can manage to pee in the toilet properly. Each child comes with their own viewpoints, needs, strengths, and weaknesses. I am navigating this journey on the fly with every one of them.
While some judgment among mothers is natural—comparing our choices is a part of figuring out our own paths—parenting discussions should foster support, not competition. When our children are small, we often fret over how we feed them, teach them to sleep, and discipline them. These concerns feel monumental because we desperately want to do right by them. However, as they grow, new challenges arise, such as facing decisions about therapies, school struggles, or even the necessity of heart-wrenching conversations about safety drills at school.
I used to envy other mothers in toddler music classes for how quickly they shed their baby weight or how articulate their children were. Now, as I watch the mothers in the preschool parking lot, I realize each one carries her own burdens, her own invisible struggles, and self-doubt. We’re all just trying to stay afloat.
What I’ve learned from the experience of raising children is our shared fallibility. We all stumble and make mistakes repeatedly. I began my motherhood journey at 27, and now at 41, I’ve seen friends navigate their own challenges: mothers battling cancer, losing children, or facing their own mortality. These experiences have profoundly reshaped my understanding of motherhood and my compassion for others.
What truly matters is not whether you choose formula or breastmilk, co-sleeping or separate beds, homemade baby food versus store-bought pouches, or schooling choices. The heart of motherhood lies in the shared experience of doing our best. There are countless ways to be a good mother, and it’s crucial that we support one another. No one understands the need for grace better than another mother who has been through similar struggles.
So, if you’re looking for someone who can empathize, come sit with me, and let’s extend that understanding to others in our community. We are united by a common goal: to love our children as best we can.
Similac shares this vision, which is why they sponsored a recent panel discussion with The Sisterhood of Motherhood and TODAY’s Parenting Team to address the judgment mothers face and how it can be divisive. Their commitment to supporting mothers extends to a new documentary, #EndMommyWars, debuting in October, which chronicles the journeys of several new mothers. Through these shared stories, we can see how alike we really are. Check out the trailer, and you may find pieces of your own journey reflected in these mothers’ lives.
For further insights on pregnancy and options for creating a family, you can visit this excellent resource and explore the possibilities of at-home insemination as well.
In conclusion, motherhood is a challenging journey filled with unique experiences, and we are all learning as we go. Let’s support one another through the ups and downs, as we strive to love our children in our own ways.