As a child, I once cried into my pillow, convinced I would turn into a famous diva. Sounds silly, right? But for me, it was a genuine concern—not about fame or fortune, but about my body. I was terrified I would end up with the same ample bosom as the iconic Bette Midler. After all, she’s known for her impressive curves and even sang about them in her classic film, Beaches.
At just nine years old, I was the only girl in my class who needed a bra, and while my mother reassured me that I was merely an early bloomer, I had my doubts. She insisted that I was just taller than my classmates, but little did I know, I would stop growing in height while my breasts continued to expand. Fast forward to now, at 37 years old, and they still seem to have growth spurts of their own.
I’ve surpassed Bette Midler in terms of size a long time ago. If I ever get to meet her, I can already hear her saying, “Wow, look at those!” followed by that all-too-frequent comment about sharing my bust with her. Yes, I’ve heard the “lucky you” remarks more times than I can count, but if anyone can figure out a way to make that happen, I’m all for it.
Being busty comes with its own set of challenges. I’m a K cup—definitely closer to the bulk box of coffee pods than the single-serving kind. Sometimes, I feel like I could host a party with just my bra. Seriously, when I glance down, it resembles two toddlers hugging.
Sure, there are some amusing perks. I can discreetly store a bottle of wine in my bra (and trust me, I’ve got the pictures to prove it). I can even take my temperature with a thermometer tucked under one of them—yes, it’s accurate! But despite these quirky advantages, the reality is that a large bust is often more of a burden than a blessing.
Finding clothes that fit is a nightmare. Specialty stores are my only option for bras, and they typically cost at least $80-$100 each. It’s no wonder I had a wardrobe malfunction at a café recently. Not to mention, the skin irritation and infections that come with the territory can be quite painful. My back suffers under the weight, and these breasts are a legitimate health concern.
I often joke about having “the boobs that ate Toronto,” using humor to cope with the daily struggles. I’m thankful that, despite their size, I have healthy and functional breasts. Not everyone shares that luck. Sometimes I daydream about simply walking into a store, finding a cute bra for $20, and actually being able to buy it. Or buttoning up a shirt without it being three sizes too big for the rest of my body.
So, the next time you see me joking about my chest, remember that beneath the humor, there’s an emotional weight that comes with it.
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Summary:
Living with large breasts can be both amusing and burdensome. While there are some light-hearted benefits, the physical discomfort and challenges often outweigh them. Many women find it difficult to find bras that fit and clothes that suit their proportions, and the health implications can be significant. Using humor helps to cope with the daily realities, but it’s important to acknowledge the emotional weight that comes along with it.