“I’m sorry,” I say, apologizing to my teenage sitter. It’s 2:45 PM and I had promised to pick him up at 3:00. He waves it off, saying, “No worries!”
I explain, “I have ADHD. I can be late and rush around, or I can overcompensate and arrive early. So, I tend to show up way ahead of schedule. I was initially going to be 25 minutes early, but I drove around to kill some time.”
We share a laugh, but my kids in the backseat roll their eyes, fully aware that I’m serious. Sometimes we arrive at our homeschool activities a half-hour early. I load them into the car, realize my timing, and then add a lengthy detour to our journey. We end up singing along to the Beatles, making the best of it. Still, it’s just another example of how time slips away from me.
As a mom with ADHD, my life is often filled with unfinished tasks, misplaced items, and a constant feeling of disarray. Even with medication, I struggle with routine aspects of motherhood that others seem to handle effortlessly.
The Laundry Dilemma
Take laundry, for instance. My hampers remain empty while a mountain of clean clothes takes over my kitchen. I know I need to sort and move them to their rightful place, but with 12 loads waiting, it feels less like a chore and more like a monumental event. One basket should only take ten minutes, yet I find myself exhausted by the end of the day, leaving it to loom over my kitchen table like a persistent reminder of my to-do list.
My husband also navigates life with ADHD, so chores like washing dishes often become a shared challenge. When we have guests, we kindly ask them to avoid our kitchen chaos.
Family Traits
My oldest son shares this trait. He frequently loses track of his belongings—his backpack often left behind at co-op, church, or brunch. We frequently have to drive to retrieve it, a tattered Star Wars bag that seems to have a mind of its own. Luckily, my obsession with my phone (another ADHD quirk) usually means I at least remember to keep it with me. However, toys get left at the playground, shoes and socks are forgotten, and lunches occasionally get swapped for fast food. Misplacing things is common for us—it’s only an inconvenience when it’s an EpiPen.
The Importance of Rituals
Rituals are crucial in our household. I must take my medication first thing in the morning, or it slips my mind. After that, coffee fuels me for an hour. Our school routine is strict: reading, math, social studies, writing, and science, in that exact order. Lunch is at noon, and our trips to Target follow a specific path, as any deviation could lead to forgetting essential items.
Hyperfocus Moments
Then there’s hyperfocus, which allows me to write while my kids energetically jump on the couch, only glancing up when someone cries. My son, when he’s immersed in Ninjago, can’t hear anything unless physically touched. Just today, both of us were engrossed in reading when the younger two decided to use the diaper sprayer in the bathroom, claiming ants were invading. They just wanted to create a water mess, knowing we were in our zone and wouldn’t notice.
The Chaos of Motherhood
Being a mom with ADHD often means being perpetually late or overly early. It involves forgetting basic supplies like wipes or paper towels, and it’s not uncommon for my husband to run to the doctor’s office to retrieve the credit card I left on the desk. My car resembles a mobile junkyard, filled with everything we keep telling ourselves we’ll clean out tomorrow. There’s always someone handing me my son’s coat or his artwork when I’m least prepared. We misplace library books and often fail to notice glitter glue spills until it’s too late.
Yet, at the heart of it all, being an ADHD mom is still about motherhood. While it may seem amplified, the struggles are universal, just more pronounced and often in plain sight. Despite the chaos and enforced routines, we find ways to be happy together, navigating life with a sense of humor and resilience. This is our reality, and we embrace it, even when it means functioning in a state of hyperfocus.
Further Reading
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Summary
Being a mother with ADHD brings unique challenges, from laundry chaos to misplaced belongings. While the struggles may seem exaggerated, they reflect universal experiences of motherhood but are experienced with more frequency and visibility. Despite the disorganization and distractions, these mothers find joy in their families and navigate their lives with humor and creativity.