My infatuation with Madonna began in childhood and has only deepened over the years. Like many fans, my first dance was to “Lucky Star,” and despite skeptics claiming such passion wouldn’t last, my devotion remains unwavering. Recently, with the announcement of her Rebel Heart tour and the accompanying ticket prices nearing $1,000 each, I find myself in quite the predicament. How could I possibly miss out on what promises to be a dazzling show featuring pole-dancing nuns for her song “Holy Water”?
With a toddler at home, our family budget does not allow for extravagant expenses like concert tickets. In retrospect, I should have set aside an emergency fund for such occasions. What would Madonna do? I brainstormed ways to fund a decent pair of lower-seating tickets along with some exclusive merch—because if I’m going, I want that commemorative T-shirt.
- Perhaps I could try elimination communication with my little one. If I stopped using diapers, I’d save around $45 a box. However, I’m concerned that being on constant poop duty would make it tough to pursue any of the work-from-home gigs I’ve seen on Pinterest.
- I signed up for online surveys through Swagbucks, but quickly realized the payout would take ages and would be in the form of Starbucks gift cards. Madonna isn’t likely to perform for a lifetime supply of coffee.
- I could sell unused items on eBay—roller skates, a wetsuit, even my Louboutin pumps. Unfortunately, I’d be lucky to make $6 after shipping and potential disputes over the authenticity of my slightly scuffed shoes.
- GoFundMe or Kickstarter could be options, but do people actually fund frivolous causes? Would my friends think I was joking when they didn’t even invite Madonna to my baby shower, which I had on my must-invite list?
- Maybe auctioning my out-of-print copy of Sex would bring in some cash, but what true Madonna fan would part with that gem? It’s so bad it’s good.
- Clearly, selling a kidney seems like my only viable option.
As I reflect on my journey with Madonna, I remember the pangs of jealousy as a child when my friends dressed in lace and crosses for the Like a Virgin tour, while I sat at home, blissfully unaware of the concept of a blow job. My only glimpse of her performances came from HBO broadcasts of the Blonde Ambition Tour and The Girlie Show Tour. I was glued to MTV, even as they stalked Madonna during her first childbirth.
As the years passed, the Drowned World and Re-Invention tours came and went, but I had all but given up hope of seeing her live. Then, fortune smiled upon me. A friend surprised me with tickets to the Confessions Tour, and I was overwhelmed with joy, feeling like I had just won a beauty pageant. For the first time, I could see her up close, soaking in the electric atmosphere that left me yearning for more. I was no longer a Madonna virgin.
When Hard Candy was released, I flew to Las Vegas with my best friend to witness her brilliance. I returned home with a Sticky & Sweet Tour jacket, even if it chipped in the wash. During the MDNA tour, I stood in line until 10:30 p.m. while eight months pregnant, determined to see her perform. Believe me, the swollen ankles were worth it.
Now, with a heavy heart, I face the prospect of missing what is expected to be her most spectacular concert yet. Unfortunately, selling organs is illegal in the U.S., and even if I could, I wouldn’t give up my kidney knowing that many deserving individuals are in need. Like Madonna, I prioritize my role as a mom above all else.
Madonna has always pushed boundaries, sparked conversation, and inspired change while encouraging us to dance. So though I won’t be attending this time, my love for the Queen of Pop remains, and I will continue to enjoy her music. Perhaps I’ll be hunting for a scalper come October.
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Summary
My lifelong love for Madonna has faced a new challenge with the high ticket prices for her Rebel Heart tour. With a toddler at home and no budget for concert tickets, I explored various funding options, from selling personal items to crowdfunding. Despite my dedication to seeing her live, selling a kidney is off the table. I reflect on my history with Madonna, from childhood jealousy to finally attending her concerts, and while I won’t be part of this tour, my admiration for her artistry endures.