Imagine this: my five-year-old is performing daring feats of naked parkour in our living room. As I attempt to focus on my final class of the semester via video call, I actively choose to overlook the acrobatics for two reasons: (a) I lack the time to rush her to the hospital if an injury occurs, and (b) I have a newborn strapped to my chest, demanding attention.
During my brief five-minute break, I can’t help but feel overwhelmed. I ignore the growing stack of papers I need to grade (because, let’s be honest, Mama needs the income), rush to the bathroom, grab a bottle for the newborn, and slice up strawberries for my little daredevil. I hurry back to my computer, hoping my classmates won’t notice my child, who has somehow managed to cover herself in blue paint.
In the fleeting moments I have left, I stumble upon an article on “mindful mothering” circulating on Facebook. Instantly, I feel compelled to address this notion, which seems like a thinly veiled privilege. For those of us not living in a serene, picture-perfect reality, here’s some authentic advice:
- Just Stop.
If you have the luxury to be fully present in every moment, then take a moment to appreciate that gift. But if you’re grappling with a colicky baby who screams as if you’re torturing them, allow yourself to mentally disengage. If the child is going to cry, sometimes stepping away for a few minutes can be the healthiest choice. Remember that this phase will eventually pass, so don’t beat yourself up for not treasuring every wail. You can start gathering college brochures and preparing Little Jamie’s bags now. - Really, Just Stop.
Some mothers face postpartum depression, and the demand to be perpetually present can be overwhelming. To those battling this tough journey, know that you are not alone. Seek support, and if help isn’t available, give yourself permission to zone out, binge-watch a show, or scroll through social media for a mental break. It’s okay to remind yourself that this too shall pass, and you can handle it—even when it feels unbearable. - Check Your Privilege.
It’s unhelpful to advise a working mom, who must return to her job immediately or works excessive hours, to be fully present at all times. Such advice benefits no one. Perhaps it only serves to alleviate your own guilt for being overly focused on your children, leading to anxiety when they eventually grow up. Many of us tread the delicate line between cherishing our children and saving pennies for their future (especially if they draw on the walls one too many times). - Embrace Your Authenticity.
Hey there, Mom (or primary caregiver), do what you need to do. If you’re having a tough day and need a moment to breathe, take it. While duct-taping a baby to a tree might not be advisable, it’s perfectly fine to fantasize about escaping to the Appalachian Trail for a little peace. - Bad Days Don’t Define Your Motherhood.
Welcome to the concept of “good enough” parenting. You don’t have to teach your child advanced math before they can walk. If your kid wants to take their time with the violin, that’s perfectly fine! And serving pizza once in a while? Go for it! Relish your children for their quirks, and give yourself grace when the chaos feels overwhelming. - You Can Have Your Own Life.
As a yoga instructor, I am a proponent of mindfulness. However, I believe in balance above all. If you can’t afford a babysitter or can’t leave the house, allow your child some screen time while you indulge in a book or watch a fun video online. It’s essential to model for your children that it’s okay to be both a person and a parent.
The crux of the matter is that the calls for mindful parenting often mask a desire for perfection, which rarely benefits anyone—parents or children alike.
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In summary, motherhood is not about achieving perfection; it’s about finding a balance that works for you, allowing for imperfection, and embracing the beautiful chaos that comes with raising children.