Let’s face it, every morning we start the day with high hopes. Nobody wakes up thinking, “Today’s the day I’m going to lose my mind on my child!” After over 16 years of being a parent, I can say it’s a constant struggle. Just this morning, I was chatting with my ex-partner about one of our kids’ disappointing grades, which could easily improve if he would prioritize schoolwork over his phone. There were two assignments missing, and frankly, there was no excuse for it.
“I know you’re frustrated, but try not to snap at him,” my ex advised. “You’ll regret it later.” He was spot on—not only did he remind me to keep my cool, but he also acknowledged that he was feeling the same way.
It doesn’t matter how old your kids are; there are moments as parents when it feels justified to lose our temper, especially when they are acting out or making everything more complicated, like refusing to wear pants when we’re late. I won’t lie; when I finally express my frustrations, it feels like a huge release. But then comes the guilt, and that’s a bitter pill to swallow. I often promise myself I’ll communicate better and set a healthier example for my kids.
The aftermath of losing control can haunt us at night while our kids sleep soundly, amplifying our feelings of regret. It’s easy to look back and wish we had acted with more composure. But all we can do is try to improve the next day.
Parental guilt is a relentless companion. We constantly feel torn between choices. A recent survey by Primrose Schools revealed that losing patience is the leading cause of parental guilt, with 31% of over 1,300 parents reporting it as their top regret. Surprisingly, not spending enough quality time with kids and working too much didn’t even top that list. So, if you find yourself losing it regularly, know you’re not alone.
According to a Farm Rich study involving 2,000 parents of school-aged children, around 25% frequently second-guess their parenting skills, with losing their temper being the primary source of guilt. To help parents feel better, Primrose Schools launched LetGuiltGo, a supportive community for sharing feelings of guilt and finding encouragement.
Our feelings of guilt as parents will never truly vanish. We are flawed individuals raising equally imperfect little humans who know just how to push our buttons. For instance, my son recently dropped a yogurt container all over my freshly cleaned kitchen, and while he was on the phone with a friend, his idea of cleaning it up was far from satisfactory. It almost drove me to the edge, but I managed to keep my cool this time.
I recognize that maintaining this level of composure is unrealistic every day. After all, I am not a robot. What I can do is accept my imperfections and the guilt that follows. All I can do is try again tomorrow, and maybe avoid buying yogurt for a while.
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In summary, losing our patience with our kids is a common source of regret among parents. While it’s tempting to let our frustrations out, the guilt that follows can weigh heavily on us. The key is to strive for improvement and remember we’re all in this together.