After the arrival of my children, I found myself in the same boat as many mothers. I craved a moment of peace and yearned for my jeans to fit comfortably again. But above all, I desperately wished to be able to sneeze or jump without worrying about unexpected leaks. Fortunately, my circumstances were somewhat unique—my kids were born in France, a country renowned for its seemingly perfect women who manage to avoid gaining weight, raise adventurous eaters, and cultivate well-mannered children. Now, I can confidently add one more accolade to that list: they also possess remarkably strong pelvic floors.
While I may not have been born with a French identity, living in France has certainly enhanced my understanding of feminine health. Having my daughters in this beautiful country meant I received the same thorough prenatal and postnatal care as any French woman.
Following childbirth, women in France typically return for a six-week checkup, where I was prescribed ten sessions with a midwife, or sage femme, to embark on my perineal rehabilitation, known as rééducation du périnée. I admit, I was initially clueless about what this entailed.
Armed with my prescription and a baguette, I attended my first appointment, baby peacefully asleep in her car seat. A friendly exchange with the midwife led to her presenting me with a peculiar device she called a sonde, which I cheekily referred to as my joystick. With a bit of imagination, you can guess how that went.
During our consultation, she posed a series of rather intimate and awkward questions: “Do you leak when you sneeze? Can you take a shower without any accidents? How is your sex life?” I couldn’t help but wonder whether she genuinely needed those details or was simply intrigued by my responses.
After our discussion, I hopped onto the examination table, where she conducted an extensive internal check that felt like an eternity. I had experienced quick exams before, but this was a whole new level—she had me contracting and relaxing while engaging in casual conversation. Initially, I was wide-eyed and nervous, but as the sessions progressed, I found myself becoming more comfortable. Soon enough, I was ready for each visit, swiftly adjusting to the routine with my new midwife friend.
But that was merely the beginning of my adventure in pelvic revitalization. Remember the “joystick”? After several sessions, it was time to switch gears. My midwife introduced a device connected to a computer that transformed our sessions into something akin to a video game. I was literally plugging in for pelvic exercises. The screen displayed a yellow dot that I controlled by contracting and releasing, while receiving gentle electric pulses designed to strengthen my pelvic floor. It was surprisingly engaging!
Fast-forward two years, I found myself back on the examination table for my final session, this time with my second child watching from the sidelines. I felt a surge of confidence, almost like an athlete preparing for the Pelvic Games. The midwife adjusted the electric settings, and I confidently urged her to increase the intensity. To my surprise, I felt nothing, which she found odd.
Just as I was about to make a lighthearted remark about my “superhuman pelvic strength,” I accidentally shifted on the table, triggering a loud, unexpected response that echoed through the clinic. The midwife quickly hit the off switch, and I lay there, stunned. It took days before I felt normal again.
Motherhood requires immense sacrifices, especially regarding our bodies. It’s a challenge that fathers simply cannot comprehend. Can you imagine a man voluntarily subjecting himself to such discomfort? Only women would willingly endure mild electrocution in pursuit of reclaiming a slice of their pre-baby selves.
Nearly four years into motherhood, I still think of my own mom every time I sneeze, silently apologizing as I reach for the tissue box. I’ll let you decide whether I’m using it for my nose.
For those interested in exploring home insemination options, check out this informative post about the at-home insemination kit. Additionally, for expert insights related to fertility, you can visit Intracervical Insemination. And for a deeper understanding of IVF and fertility preservation, don’t miss this excellent resource from Cleveland Clinic.
In summary, the journey through motherhood, particularly in navigating the nuances of pelvic health, has been both enlightening and humorous. With the right support and a little creativity, reclaiming our bodies post-childbirth can be a uniquely French experience, blending tradition with modern health practices.