The pandemic has undeniably transformed the dynamics of our intimate relationships. Just when we thought we had enough to deal with, this new challenge emerged.
I remember vividly the moment I stumbled upon my parents in a private moment, though the exact timing remains unclear; it was a blur of childhood memories. My mother, who had briefly explained the concept of where babies come from, called out, “We’re trying to give you a sibling. Go back to sleep, dear.” That experience left a lasting impression on me, and I hesitated to knock on their door for a long time. Even a night filled with horror movie marathons couldn’t overshadow my discomfort.
Recently, while sharing this memory with a friend, she asked, “What’s the big deal? Shouldn’t parents continue their intimate lives?” I pondered this, especially since my own marriage ended in divorce.
As fellow mothers, we contemplated how parenthood reshapes intimacy, especially amid a pandemic that has added layers of complexity. My friend noticed that COVID-19 had impacted her relationship in unexpected ways. At times, she felt more connected to her husband than ever, while other times, she questioned if they could even cohabitate. Even as life returns to some semblance of normalcy, her libido hasn’t bounced back.
I could relate. A few weeks ago, my partner and I lay in bed after the kids returned to their father’s house, which typically signaled a shift from family mode to couple mode. Instead, we just sighed. “What’s happening to us?” I asked. “We seem to be having less intimacy.” My partner responded, “I feel out of shape.”
I sympathized; I still found him attractive, but the pandemic had certainly taken a toll on both of us. We had adopted a more sedentary lifestyle, often opting for TV and baking instead of exercise. Our clothes felt tighter, and we were generally less engaged with the world. While our emotional connection had deepened during lockdown, the physical aspect of our relationship had suffered.
My friend echoed these sentiments, remarking how family life can feel stifling. “Being in close quarters can create strain, especially with kids constantly around,” she explained. She worried about her children’s well-being, which only added to the stress and impacted her romantic life. With their kids now doing better, she and her husband struggled to reconnect.
I reached out to Dr. Emily Thompson, a social psychologist at the University of California, who has researched the effects of the pandemic on relationships. She noted that while some couples expected increased intimacy due to being home together, the opposite trend emerged: a significant decline in births, indicating a “baby bust.”
Dr. Thompson explained the concept of “stress spillover”—how external stressors, like financial strains and worries about children, can seep into relationships and diminish connection. Additionally, many have succumbed to feelings of being “schlubby,” which can further decrease desire.
So how do we navigate these changes? Dr. Thompson advised couples to carve out time for new experiences together—activities that foster connection and excitement. This could involve reminiscing about early days together, planning future adventures, or simply engaging in outdoor activities. Physical movement, whether through exercise or yoga, can also help rekindle desire.
Taking her advice to heart, my partner and I committed to daily walks or jogs together, starting small. After two years of focusing on avoiding illness, it’s easy to forget that our physical and intimate health often depends on what we actively pursue.
For more insights into building intimacy in relationships, check out this post on home insemination. Additionally, mindful reflections provide valuable perspectives on this topic, while Medical News Today offers excellent resources on fertility and home insemination.
Summary
The pandemic has drastically altered our intimate lives, with many couples experiencing a decline in physical connection. Emotional closeness has increased for some, but external stressors have complicated relationships. Experts suggest that couples can reignite their intimacy through shared activities and physical engagement. By focusing on new experiences together, partners may find a renewed sense of connection and desire.