The year 2020 unveiled people’s true natures. It was also the year I (along with many others) embarked on a major life overhaul, embracing a KonMari approach to my relationships. When juggling remote learning, a full-time job, and the safety of my family amidst a global crisis, I found myself with no tolerance for negativity in my life—including toxic individuals.
During crises, individuals tend to reveal their authentic selves, making it apparent that niceness doesn’t equate to goodness. In fact, some of the seemingly “kindest” people turned out to be Trump supporters or covert racists, demanding schools reopen for their children without consideration for the health risks involved. This realization has been, to put it mildly, deeply disturbing.
Parents of children my kids once played with are now the ones instigating petitions to oust school officials if they don’t reopen schools immediately. Self-proclaimed “good Christians” supported a narcissistic leader known for his appalling actions. It was shocking to discover that individuals I once respected were actually hypocrites who voted for Trump—not just once, but twice.
It’s been painful to be insulted by family members online and frightening to witness how many people can disregard science and facts in pursuit of their own comfort. I’ve always held the belief that most people are inherently good, but this past year has made me realize that “most” is far less than I previously assumed.
As someone who naturally trusts others, I typically give people the benefit of the doubt, especially in times of stress. However, the events of the past year have made it evident that there is only so much slack to be given before recognizing that someone is genuinely self-centered. I’ve learned that I have little patience left for selfishness.
Over the last year, I’ve been deliberate in choosing who I want in my life. While some friendships have deepened, others have faded. I’ve reconnected with old classmates over shared values, despite not being close in the past. Conversely, I’ve unfollowed and removed countless people from my social media.
Now, as we approach the end of this pandemic, life will eventually return to a semblance of normalcy. But how do we address the rifts in our relationships? What about the friendships that dissolved when we discovered someone’s true colors, or family members who hurled insults at us online? Is it possible to forget what we’ve learned about them?
Personally, I find it hard to ignore the realizations of the past year; I’m not sure I want to. This isn’t about merely having different opinions; it’s about fundamental values. Therefore, while I may remain cordial during school drop-offs or at grocery stores, I simply can’t allow individuals with differing values into my close circle.
Sure, we’ll exchange pleasantries and engage in small talk about the weather or compliment each other’s outfits. Over time, as life settles down, emotions may cool. However, the truth remains: we can’t unsee what we’ve seen.
People can change, and I rarely write anyone off completely. I hold onto hope that those I once considered good and kind will realign their actions with those values. Yet, when someone has caused significant harm—such as refusing to wear a mask or supporting a racist agenda—their actions leave a lasting impact. I may hold a flicker of hope, but I’m not holding my breath.
2020 was a year of revealing true colors, and those revelations are indelible. For more insights on navigating relationships during challenging times, check out this related post on home insemination.