As I sit here typing, my son is nestled against me on the couch, his small fingers weaving through my hair while we watch TV. On our family strolls, he stays glued to my side, pressing as close as possible whenever we encounter someone—even from a distance. My eight-year-old son has always been one to seek comfort, and since the onset of COVID-19, his clinginess has escalated to levels reminiscent of when he was just two years old.
Before the pandemic struck, he was gradually learning to find independence. He was starting to enjoy sleepovers at friends’ houses and would occasionally run off to play without looking back, even giving me that fleeting acknowledgment as he dashed off to join his peers. While I felt a pang of sadness as I lost some of that sweet cuddle time, I was also proud to see him growing more confident.
Fast forward to the countless weeks spent in quarantine, and he’s reverted to being my constant shadow. His fingers often find their way into my hair, and he now sleeps with my favorite sweatshirt, which serves as a makeshift security blanket—this was the only compromise we could reach to avoid him sleeping in my bed every night. He’s always right “here” with me.
According to Dr. James Lang, a child psychologist at Riverside University, clinginess often arises as a natural response to perceived threats and anxiety. He explained that children instinctively seek proximity to their parents for safety during uncertain times. With the world turned upside down so rapidly, it’s no surprise that my son interprets the messages of staying home and keeping distance from others as a need to be as close to me as possible.
I genuinely cherish being his safe haven, providing him with a sense of stability when everything feels so uncertain. But being someone’s full-time security blanket can be draining, even when that someone is a child you love more than life itself. Like all humans, moms need moments of solitude to recharge and gather strength to give even more.
I worry about his ability to separate and develop independence; it’s crucial for him to feel confident navigating the world without me. One day, life will return to some semblance of normalcy. There will be sleepovers again, friends calling him to join them at the playground, and schools will reopen, requiring him to walk inside without me beside him. I fear he might forget how to separate, or worse, that he’s lost the confidence he had begun to build.
This clinginess, I suspect, is rooted in the loss of his father, which has only intensified during this pandemic. He has learned that life can change in an instant, and it’s natural for him to want to hold on to the one person who has been his constant through it all. I take this responsibility seriously, knowing well that circumstances can shift unexpectedly.
However, perhaps I don’t need to fret so much. He has shown resilience before. After losing his dad and adjusting to the new family dynamic, he learned to find his footing again, eventually growing independent on his own terms. When he’s ready, I trust he will once again find the courage to take a deep breath and venture off, knowing I’ll still be here waiting for him.
So maybe, just maybe, right now it’s perfectly fine that he needs a little extra closeness. When he feels secure, he will lift his chin, set his little jaw, and take that next step forward.
For more insightful discussions on parenting and emotional health, check out this blog post or explore helpful resources like this one on intrauterine insemination. And if you’re looking for delicious snacks, no-bake recipes can be a fun distraction for the whole family.
Summary:
The pandemic has intensified my son’s clinginess, as he seeks security in uncertain times. While I treasure being his safe space, I also worry about his independence and ability to navigate the world without me. Reminiscing about past progress, I hold onto hope that he will regain his confidence when he’s ready.