As I sit on the couch typing, my eight-year-old son is nestled against me. He enjoys twirling my hair while we watch TV together. During our family walks, he stays close, pressing against me if we happen to see someone from a distance, ensuring there’s no gap between us.
My son has always been quite attached to me, a fact well acknowledged by family and friends. If I’m around, he’s usually right there beside me—often on my lap, fingers in my hair, and his face mere inches from mine. This clinginess intensified after the passing of his father, and as the COVID-19 pandemic led us to isolate at home, his need for closeness has surged to levels reminiscent of when he was just two years old.
Before the pandemic hit, he had started to gain some independence. He was beginning to attend sleepovers at friends’ houses and would occasionally let me socialize with other moms while he played. I even noticed him acting more casual around his peers, barely acknowledging my presence as he dashed off to join his friends. While it was bittersweet to see that cuddle time diminish, I felt proud of his progress.
However, after what feels like an eternity in quarantine, my son is once again my constant companion. He often threads his fingers through my hair and has taken to sleeping with my favorite sweatshirt as a makeshift security blanket to avoid spending every night in my bed. He’s always “here”—wherever I am.
Dr. Alan Carter, a psychologist at Brookfield University, explains, “Clinginess often arises as a natural response to perceived threats and anxiety. From an evolutionary perspective, young ones tend to stay close to their parents for protection when danger is present.” This instinct makes sense; many children are seeking reassurance right now after their lives were turned upside down almost overnight. The messages they received—stay home, avoid contact with those outside the household—have likely reinforced this dependency. It’s no surprise that my son has taken these instructions to heart, interpreting them as a reason to stay as close to me as possible.
Don’t misunderstand—I cherish being a source of comfort for him, providing stability when the world feels uncertain. Yet, being someone’s full-time emotional anchor can be challenging. Even the most devoted parents need time to recharge before they can continue to offer support.
I also worry. Developing independence and the ability to navigate the world alone are crucial for his growth. It’s essential for him to feel secure enough to step away from me without fearing I will vanish during that brief separation.
Eventually, life will return to a semblance of normalcy for children. Sleepovers and playgrounds will reopen, and he will have to venture inside school without me. I fear he may struggle to remember how to separate, or if he does, that he may be too anxious to do so. I can’t guarantee I will always be there, as life is unpredictable, and I prefer not to make promises I can’t keep.
This fear is at the heart of his clinginess, and it’s why I find myself holding him a little tighter before gently encouraging him to give me some space. He has learned that people can be present one moment and absent the next. Although the pandemic hasn’t caused complete disappearance, the shift to virtual interactions has echoed the lesson he learned from his father’s passing: life can change in an instant, and stability is not guaranteed. It’s completely understandable that he wants to hold on to me, both physically and emotionally, as I have been his constant support.
However, perhaps I shouldn’t worry too much. He has found his independence after previous traumas. Following his father’s death, I became his sole parent, and I feared I would still be carrying him into college. Ultimately, he separated when he was ready, lifting his chin and bravely stepping forward.
So maybe it’s acceptable for him to need a little more from me right now. When he feels secure again, he will eventually muster the courage to lift his chin, set his little jaw, and take that next step forward.
For more insights on parenting challenges during these times, check out this helpful resource.
Summary
The pandemic has amplified my son’s clinginess, transforming him back into a shadow of the independent child he was becoming. While I appreciate being his source of comfort, I worry about his ability to navigate the world alone in the future. Yet, I remind myself that he has overcome challenges before and will find his independence again when he feels secure.