Last school year, I began a simple yet impactful daily tradition during our drive home: I asked my kids, “What act of kindness did you do today?” Initially prompted by a desire to shift our after-school conversations away from the usual grumbles about homework or tests, this question turned into a meaningful dialogue that I didn’t anticipate.
In our world, and especially in schools, kindness is often in short supply. I wanted to foster a habit of compassion in my children, which is why I feel compelled to share our experience and why I hope to keep this up for years to come.
Let me paint a picture of our car rides after school. I don’t want you to think I’m one of those serene, perfectly organized moms with kids who always behave. I’m not. My children are energetic and can be quite unruly. And yes, I drive a minivan—one that is often cluttered with school papers, half-eaten snacks, and the chaos of post-school energy.
As soon as my kids hopped into the car, the chaos would often escalate, with arguments breaking out and my little ones crying because I had woken them from their naps. In this not-so-ideal environment, I would typically ask my girls how their day was, usually in a rather exasperated tone, only to receive a bland “good” in response.
Then one day, I casually asked, “What kind thing did you do today?” The atmosphere shifted instantly. It became a question I asked regularly, and while we didn’t remember every day, it often sparked joy. There were times my daughters would even arrive eager to share their kindness stories before I asked!
Through my experiences in these early school years, I’ve realized that not every child will ace their tests or excel in sports. The future we envision for them may not align with their actual path. So why not focus on nurturing their character instead? Here are five reasons why asking “How were you kind today?” is beneficial for school-aged kids:
1. Creates a Positive Atmosphere
Before this question, our post-school car rides were filled with grumpy vibes. But asking about kindness shifted our conversations toward happier themes. Hearing my kids share sweet moments—like, “I helped Emma with her art project”—brightened my day too.
2. Encourages Open Dialogue About Unkindness
While my intent was to focus on positive actions, I found that this question also opened the door for discussing instances of unkindness. When my daughter mentioned a classmate who was unkind, it allowed for a conversation about feelings and experiences in a way that felt safe.
3. Facilitates Important Life Lessons
Unexpectedly, our kindness chats became a platform for discussing complex topics. For instance, when one daughter shared a misguided attempt to convince a friend about religion, it sparked a discussion about respecting different beliefs. This naturally led to deeper conversations about kindness and understanding.
4. Helps Prepare for Better Days
Some days, the response would be a grumpy “I didn’t do anything kind,” which is perfectly understandable. It’s a reminder that we all have off days. Recognizing these moments allows me to help my kids strategize for a better tomorrow.
5. Promotes Kindness as a Core Value
While academics are important, I believe that nurturing kindness should take center stage. Asking about their acts of kindness first encourages my kids to prioritize being good people over purely academic achievements.
As I reflect on these rides home, I see my kids developing empathy and understanding. Even if the world feels less kind at times—especially with the rise of social media—teaching kindness has never been more essential. My daughter recently asked, “You’ll still ask us what we did that was kind, right?” That question reaffirmed my commitment to this daily tradition.
Let’s all work together to encourage our children to leave school each day with a focus on kindness. It’s a simple question that can lead to profound conversations, and I hope it helps my kids continue to share their feelings with me as they grow.
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In summary, nurturing kindness in our children is essential in today’s world. By shifting our focus from grades to acts of kindness, we can foster empathy and open communication, helping them navigate the complexities of their social environments.