Updated: Sep. 5, 2023
Originally Published: Sep. 5, 2023
At 35, I found myself expecting my first child. As an actress, the perception in my industry is that 35 is essentially the new 40, a point where you might feel like you’re standing at the Last Chance Cafe. Or so I believed. During my pregnancy, while waiting for an audition, I jotted down some thoughts in my notebook—my first indication that I was approaching a new phase of life.
Reflections at 35
Here’s what I noted:
- Embracing motherhood is thrilling, and it’s a wild journey, but it isn’t my only pursuit. I’m an actress at heart, and I’m just taking a brief pause from the stage.
- I want my daughter to see her mother as an active performer. I want her to grasp the significance of auditions and the process of character development. I want her to know that studying scripts is more than a hobby; it’s my profession.
- My motivation has surged now that I’m about to become a mother. Whether my achievements post-birth are modest is irrelevant; what matters is that she witnesses my dedication and effort.
After writing this, I promptly rushed to the restroom feeling unwell. The pregnancy journey lasted about 20 weeks, and when the time came for childbirth, it was nothing short of chaotic.
Chaos.
Blinders on.
Profound love.
Unwavering devotion.
Dark circles that seemed to take permanent residence under my eyes.
Work-life balance? Perhaps someday.
Returning at 40
Now, at 40, I’m back in the audition circuit. It’s amusing how I thought I might vanish from the professional scene for five years. Somehow, during this time, I improved my skills. Recently, I visited a casting office and observed the younger crowd—twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings mingling, some boasting about recent TV roles, others discussing roommate searches in New York City, while a few checked their makeup to ensure they looked fresh after a sweaty subway ride.
As I signed in for my 12 p.m. slot—on an iPad, no less—while the beautiful young women around me fidgeted with their phones, I pulled out my notebook again (I confess, I keep my headshots and resumes in a Trapper Keeper folder). I made another list:
- I feel a sense of calm before auditions. I’m not sure I ever felt this way before having a child. My responsibilities have grounded me, making it clear that any single audition isn’t the end of the world.
- I’m unconcerned about what anyone in that small room thinks of me. While everyone else glances nervously at one another, I don’t view them as competition. If I’m right for the part, I’ll get it.
- I feel more satisfied with my appearance at 40 than I did at 35. My hair might even be shinier—whether that’s true or just a feeling, it’s all that matters.
- I’m determined to excel in this audition, and if I don’t land the role, it won’t be because of a poor reading.
- Cheerios, sunscreen, applesauce. (My lists cover a variety of topics.)
Five years ago, my agency dropped me as I embarked on the journey of motherhood. My ambitions faded into a haze of new mom realities. I was constantly anxious about the health of my baby and adjusting to my new life. I felt like I might never regain my former self again. I witnessed the career I had meticulously built begin to crumble while I navigated the waters of motherhood.
Now, I find myself almost feeling sorry for the anxious twenty-somethings fretting before their auditions. They worry about memorizing lines, appearing composed on camera, and whether they even belong there.
When I was a child, a friend of my mother’s—a talented actress who had won an Emmy—shared some wisdom with me: When you walk into an audition, convey this thought:
“The solution to your problem has arrived. I’m precisely what you need.”
Last night, I called that friend to share that, after thirty years, I have finally embraced her advice. At 40, I can now walk into a casting office and confidently know that I’m the one they’re looking for. Who would have thought that five years of dedicating myself to the unglamorous task of raising children would lead to me feeling younger, more beautiful, and infinitely more self-assured than I ever felt as a fretting youth?
Resources for Consideration
For those considering similar journeys, check out this insightful resource on fertility and understanding your chances of conceiving. If you’re interested in exploring home insemination options, you can also learn more about the baby maker home intracervical insemination syringe kit. And for further information on intrauterine insemination, visit this excellent resource.
Summary
Transitioning from 35 to 40 brings a new perspective on motherhood and career, as reflected in the author’s journey. With maturity comes confidence: auditions are less daunting, and priorities shift, leading to a more grounded and self-assured approach to both life and work.