By: Samantha Bell
March 8, 2023
I recently attended what has surprisingly become the highlight of my social life: a child’s birthday celebration. While some parents may dread these gatherings, I eagerly anticipate a house filled with energetic kids—mainly family members—keeping my little ones entertained. It’s a precious three-hour window where they can roam freely in a familiar space, allowing me some much-needed adult interaction for the first time in days.
So, you can imagine my irritation when, as I enjoyed a drink with friends around the kitchen island, I heard a little voice calling out, “Mom! Mom!” accompanied by small hands tugging at my leg.
In stark contrast to the judgmental parents around me, I kept my focus on the conversation, refusing to look down. Does this make me a bad mother? Absolutely not. The truth is, I follow a vital rule of encouraging independent play: Avoid eye contact.
Of course, I wouldn’t ignore my child if they were hurt, hungry, or in distress. But usually, the situation is like this: the child is happily engaged in play. They glance up, see you, and think, “Oh, Mom’s just sitting there looking bored. Time to demand attention!” Or, if you smile at them, they drop their toy and whine until you pick them up. So, the rule stands: never make eye contact.
Here are a few strategies to navigate these tricky moments:
- Keep Yourself Occupied
Children often play better when their parents are busy. Even if cleaning isn’t your favorite task, grab a duster and get to work. You may find your kids suddenly engrossed in toys they haven’t touched in ages, and you’ll achieve a cleaner home. It’s a win-win! Ironically, the last thing you want is to exert more energy, but staying active can actually make parenting smoother. - Avoid the Play Area
Once you’ve finished tasks like unloading the dishwasher and find your kids happily playing, resist the urge to enter the room. As soon as you come into view, their playtime turns into a quest for attention. So, “stuck” in the kitchen, why not settle down with a snack? I once sat on the floor with a box of crackers, and I managed to enjoy 17 minutes of peaceful solitude. - Sneak Away
Yes, I said it—hide. In my experience, most sibling disputes and boredom can resolve themselves without my intervention. Whether it’s ducking behind the kitchen counter or blending into the crowd at a party, don’t feel guilty. Just let the kind lady nearby know you’re taking cover: “Just hiding from my kids, no worries!”
What happened at the birthday party when I avoided eye contact with my daughter? Within seconds, she realized she was fine and that I wasn’t going anywhere, leading her to happily return to her friends. The no-eye-contact strategy prevails again. Now, back to enjoying that punch!
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Summary: The no-eye-contact parenting strategy is a unique approach that encourages kids to play independently while allowing parents to catch a break. By staying busy, avoiding the play area, and even hiding from the kids when necessary, parents can foster self-sufficiency in their children without feeling guilty.