One phrase sums it up: absolute agony. Honestly, I could just stop here because my disdain for those dreadful craft kits is that profound.
Let’s kick things off with the enticing images on the packaging. Just look at those kids! They’re having the time of their lives! Surely, we need to buy this! I can only imagine the boundless joy we’ll experience creating a multitude of colorful headbands, bracelets, and an avalanche of glitter, stickers, and various oddities.
Before I know it, the beast of a box is perched on my kitchen counter, and my little one is right there, pleading for me to rescue the “ULTIMATE TOY” from its torturous packaging. Armed with my butcher knife, I attempt to liberate this monstrosity—a task that requires more energy than I can muster for a fifteen-minute jog (not that I would know, as the treadmill seems as appealing as a root canal).
Once I’ve stomped, sliced, and shed a few tears, I manage to unveil the wicked craft kit. I’m immediately overwhelmed by a plethora of minuscule, easily misplaced, and frustratingly obscure charms, sparkles, and an assortment of who-knows-what. Honestly, these could have fit in a soda can instead of a box the size of a briefcase. And yet, I fall for it every. single. time. Seriously, I could get the same joy from 48 pennies—and it would cost significantly less than the $19.95 sticker price. But my child is absolutely elated, and so I put on my brave face because that’s what parenting is—going along with it most of the time.
We tear through fifteen plastic bags containing what feels like nine billion pieces (enough plastic to cover an entire Kardashian estate) and lay everything out. More often than not, the glitter, stickers, and buttons end up stuck to our kitchen table, embedded in the shag rug, stuck to our feet, or consumed by one of our oblivious dogs. When we finally finish these so-called masterpieces, we have more glitter-glue on our eyelashes than on the actual headbands.
The only time I notice any remnants of our craft project that aren’t glued to my furniture or my dog’s stomach is when I try to place the headband on my child’s head for school the next day. We last about ten minutes before realizing that the glue isn’t dry, leaving her with streaks of purple glitter stuck in her hair and a button adorning her forehead. Removing the headband, now firmly affixed to her hair, prompts a chorus of shrieks—apparently, this is all my fault for “buying the kit,” thinking it would be a “fantastic idea” for school, and for the headbands not resembling the picture on the box. Such is the saga of parenting.
By the end of the night, I’m left cleaning up thousands of charms scattered across the floor and debating whether my dogs need a vet visit due to their glittery bowel movements. The companies producing these “amazing” craft kits are fully aware that parents are the ones left to deal with the aftermath. I swear they include instructions purely for amusement. If a free GoPro camera were included just to capture our struggles, I wouldn’t be shocked. The same goes for any toy that requires even a hint of assembly.
That’s why I’ve always preferred brands like Melissa & Doug. Most of their toys arrive pre-assembled, which suits me perfectly. I like things that come “ready to play.” The same goes for my meals: “ready to eat.” Nothing beats takeout Chinese or a bucket of fried chicken.
When my daughter, Lily, received the Barbie Dream House for Christmas, I worried my husband might need to be committed after four hours of assembly. Thank goodness for his calm demeanor and a bit of alcohol; otherwise, I’d be visiting him in the Barbie Dream House Assembly Mental Hospital—a concept that might just exist.
I’ve officially thrown in the towel on craft kits. I’m sticking to Michaels, where I have control over what I buy. Honestly, I get much more value there compared to these overpriced kits where the box alone costs more than its contents.
From now on, I’m blindfolding my child when we venture through the toy aisle at Target.
Summary:
Craft kits for children often lead to chaos, frustration, and a mess that parents must clean up. Despite the alluring images on the packaging, the reality is usually a disappointing array of tiny pieces and a lot of cleanup. Many parents prefer ready-made toys that require little to no assembly, as the experience with craft kits can be overwhelmingly negative. Ultimately, sticking to trusted stores like Michaels allows for greater control and satisfaction.