My teenage son had been anxiously anticipating his school’s band concert for weeks. He loves playing the trumpet and enjoys being part of the band, but this specific performance was causing him considerable distress. It would be the longest he had ever performed on stage, yet it wasn’t the act of playing music that was overwhelming him. It was a tale he heard years ago about a child who got sick during a concert that kept replaying in his mind.
My son suffers from a specific anxiety disorder known as emetophobia, which is an intense fear of vomiting. While it’s natural for anyone to dislike being sick, for someone with emetophobia, the thought can trigger severe anxiety, resembling a PTSD response. The constant worry that someone may unknowingly carry a stomach virus or that food might cause illness creates a perpetual state of anxiety. This condition is often misdiagnosed as generalized anxiety or panic disorder because the symptoms overlap, but the underlying fear always circles back to vomiting.
So, a seemingly trivial anecdote about a child being ill during a concert was enough to send my sweet boy into a whirlwind of anxiety. The typical pre-performance jitters made his stomach uneasy, which his mind interpreted as nausea. This perceived sickness then spiked his anxiety, creating a vicious cycle where his anxiety further exacerbated his physical discomfort.
We anticipated difficulties during the concert and prepared accordingly. We practiced relaxation techniques, meditation, and various coping strategies we had reviewed countless times. He managed to make it through the dress rehearsal and even the first half of the concert.
However, during intermission, the panic hit hard. Unfortunately, there was nothing we could do to coax him back onto the stage. I spent the second half of the concert in the lobby with him, trying to help him calm down. We’ve learned that sometimes, all we can do is wait for the storm to pass.
The hardest part of parenting a child with anxiety is feeling utterly powerless when they are in distress and you can’t alleviate their suffering. I’m supposed to be the one who soothes their fears, but in this case, I can’t make the irrational thoughts vanish. I can offer support, remind him of the tools he’s practiced, and encourage him to seek professional help, but I can’t simply erase his fears.
Anxiety is a tricky puzzle. I often find myself attempting to use logic to diffuse his fears, but reasoning with anxiety is like throwing paper airplanes into a gale; nothing penetrates the storm. In moments of desperation, I might resort to offering incentives, thinking that motivation could be the key to overcoming his fears. Then I chastise myself for that line of thinking, realizing how unfair and unhelpful it is.
Clearly, my son bears the brunt of this challenge. But as a parent, it can be incredibly frustrating when all you want to do is help and yet feel utterly ineffective. I found solace in a conversation with a friend who also navigates parenting an anxious child; she echoed my sentiments, acknowledging the difficulty of our roles.
As a parent, the instinct to fix things is strong, but sometimes, despite our best efforts, it’s just not possible. You want to be a source of strength for your child, but at times, it feels like you’re failing. That sense of helplessness can feel paralyzing.
It’s essential to project strength for your child’s sake, to hide the worry that weighs on your heart. The last thing I want is for my son to feel that his anxiety is a burden. Yet, at that concert, it was hard to hold back tears. He had put in so much effort to be there, but in the end, anxiety won. I couldn’t change that.
I reassured him that I wasn’t upset with him, only frustrated that he has to endure these challenges. I expressed my pride in his efforts to even show up and emphasized that this setback wasn’t the end of the world. Treatment often involves a process of ups and downs, and I encouraged him to remain hopeful in his journey.
Once home, I found myself crying quietly in the bathroom.
Parenting a child with anxiety is certainly challenging. The demands are high, but I can manage that. It’s the sense of helplessness and the knowledge of what’s wrong without the ability to fix it that truly weighs on me. I hope my son always remembers that he has the unwavering support of his family, no matter what struggles he faces. Sometimes, that emotional backing is all we can offer, and hopefully, it’s enough in those moments.
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In summary, raising a child with anxiety can be a daunting experience filled with moments of helplessness. The emotional toll it takes on both parent and child is significant, but the ongoing support and love from family can help navigate these challenges.