Before I became a mother, I had a clear notion of what the most challenging aspects of motherhood would be: sleepless nights, the tumultuous toddler stage, navigating teenage drama, losing my sense of self, and an overwhelming sense of fatigue — just to name a few. Having four sons solidified my understanding that this journey was going to be incredibly demanding — and I was prepared to tackle it all on my own. I convinced myself that I had chosen this path and could manage everything without support, warding off those critical thoughts like, “Why did you even have kids if you’re just going to complain?”
I told myself to tough it out, to sacrifice, and to push through the exhaustion that came with modern motherhood. “Just deal with it!” echoed in my mind, and I staunchly refused to ask for help. I didn’t need assistance, after all! Help was for those who couldn’t handle their toddlers, for moms who frequently lost their cool, for those who needed breaks because they didn’t truly love their children. Help was not for me. I was a mother, hear me roar!
But then, I slammed headfirst into the ultimate wall of motherhood and collapsed. I was completely spent—burnt toast, as they say. Burnt toast doesn’t raise children.
The silver lining of crashing into that wall was that once I hit rock bottom, the only direction I could go was up. However, the downside was that I needed someone to assist me in getting back on my feet. I was desperate for help.
That help came from a fellow mother, a wise and compassionate soul who, to this day, I remember vividly. I am grateful for the day my meltdown occurred in her home and that she was the first to extend her hand. More significant than her physical support were her words as she helped me stand back up.
She said, “You know that warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you help someone?”
“Yes,” I replied.
“Well, when you don’t ask for help and refuse it, you deprive someone of that feeling. By not accepting help, you’re denying others the chance to support you in a way that’s meaningful for them. There are people in this world who are meant to be helpers. They may know who you are, even if you don’t know them. Let them assist you. You need to ask for help, but even more importantly, you need to accept it.”
Much like an addict taking the first step toward recovery, I realized I needed to acknowledge my need for assistance. When I finally did, I felt a sense of freedom wash over me. I was liberated from the burden of trying to do it all alone. Help? Bring it on!
Never would I have thought that the hardest part of motherhood was admitting that I couldn’t manage everything by myself and that I needed help. The second hardest part? Accepting that help.
We often hear the saying, “It takes a village,” yet many of us find ourselves isolated, suffering in silence within that village. Whether due to pride, ignorance, stubbornness, or the societal pressure to be the perfect mother, we often hesitate to reach out. It’s a combination of factors that we need to shed, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable enough to ask for and accept help with grace rather than defeat.
Years have passed since that infamous meltdown, and I still believe I’m a great mother because I stopped trying to do it all myself. I’ve even gained a reputation for saying, “If you can breathe and dial 911, you can watch my kids!” Now, even as my children have grown, I jump at the chance whenever another mother offers assistance. Yes, please help me!
Since that day, I’ve shared my friend’s wise words with younger mothers, watching their faces light up with relief as they realize they don’t have to be perfect. I tell them about the people out there ready to help and how trying to do it alone often leads to disaster. We must not rob others of their opportunities to feel fulfilled through helping us.
Perhaps I’ve become one of those helpers, swooping in to assist young mothers, offering support, and keeping them sane. Who wants to be my first roadkill?
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In summary, the most daunting aspect of motherhood is recognizing that you can’t do everything alone and being open to accepting help from others. It’s a journey of vulnerability, but one that ultimately leads to a more fulfilled and balanced life.